Random randomness

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 4:35 pm

Isgrimnur wrote:I have a spreadsheet that lays out each bill down the left side in day of month order and each month across the top. Every payday, I sit down and pay the bills and mark each one as paid for the month, so I can see exactly where I need to start. The second tab is a running balance of the checking account.

I have it arranged so all my bills are due around the 15th of the month. I start attempting to pay them online on the week of the 15th until they are all paid. The exceptions to this are water and property taxes and renewing my tabs, which are all a hassle in their own way and get paid the day after they show up in the mail.

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 4:37 pm

I have avoided Yahoo news and all fans of the Walking Dead in the office in anticipation of being surprised when I watch the season premiere tonight. I figure if I drive home without the radio on, use the drive in to get food while plugging my ears, and then run from my car to my apartment in a serpentine pattern in order to avoid others, I should be okay.

Fingers crossed!

paulbaxter · Post by **paulbaxter** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 4:39 pm

Something the world currently needs: a good insulting word for someone who is always looking at their cell phone.

It should be one or two syllables. Something roughly on an emotional par with nerd or dweeb or doofus.

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 4:40 pm

Celluhole?

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 4:51 pm

Phombie?

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:09 pm

wonderpug wrote:
hitbyambulance wrote:i spaced on paying the credit card bill this month. this has not happened before. i usually remember to pay along with the internet/phone bill, but this time... i can remember myself thinking 'do i have any other bills?' and coming up totally blank. really disturbing...

(i sucked it up, paid the late fee and interest charges, and i have now set a monthly reminder for this. feel like a failure of an adult.)
Since you have a perfect prior payment record you most likely will be able to get the late fee waived, if not the interest charges as well, if you give customer service a call.

thanks to everyone for suggesting this. i just called the card company's CS and the representative withdrew the late fee and interest charges.

gilraen · Post by **gilraen** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:18 pm

I know that I'm incapable of remembering when every credit card bill is due, so I have everything set up on auto-pay.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:19 pm

Given the propensity and risk of something going horribly wrong, the only thing I have that's on autodraft is my car insurance. I like to see where the money goes, and it helps me keep an eye on the net direction of funds.

hitbyambulance · Post by **hitbyambulance** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:28 pm

i also have nothing on auto-pay. i need to be able to review the bills before i send in the payment so nothing is snuck by, or other mistakes (unintentional or otherwise).

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Oct 24, 2016 6:42 pm

I use my credit card for most budgeted household expenses to get the points (and for convenience). The money's always there to pay it off but it does take some accounting and transferring.

Wife uses hers with great abandon, and every month's bill occasions much wailing and gnashing of teeth. It usually sucks down at least 50% of her spending money, and sometimes 100% or more. Last month she was late filing an expense report so $2,900 got carried forward. The expenses only added up to $2,700 (and still haven't been reimbursed). She got a $150 haircut last month, and the interest will be around $50, so she's already $400 in the hole before it even arrives. Her bonus check was supposed to take care of that. Then last week she learned that the bonus plan was quietly changed from quarterly commissions to annual discretionary. No lifeline there.

I hate opening that bill each month.

Max Peck · Post by **Max Peck** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 1:19 pm

Because trying to teach an AI to terrify people can't possibly go wrong: The Nightmare Machine.

hepcat · Post by **hepcat** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 3:31 pm

What I learned today when I called the number left by a "IRS has a pending lawsuit against you!" scam.

1) They seemed okay with the apparent 18 seconds it took me to get to a bank, per their request.

2) He had trouble finding a Bank of America in "Noneofyourdamnbussinessville, Ohio" on his list.

3) They won't tell you how much to withdraw, they'll just ask you how much you have in the account. If you persist, they'll insist that the amount is so shocking you will die. I asked almost a dozen times for an amount and they wouldn't give it out because of this. So, you know, they care.

4) After I admitted I was screwing with him, I asked what his commission was. He told me it was 5 percent of whatever he got out of a mark.

5) When I repeatedly asked for a job application, he demurred. When I reminded him that I'd kept him on the phone for almost 10 straight minutes so I was obviously better at scamming than he was, he insisted he was on to me from the beginning.

6) His office is "somewhere out there...somewhere".

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 3:42 pm

Max Peck wrote:Because trying to teach an AI to terrify people can't possibly go wrong: The Nightmare Machine.

The complaint everyone has about Chantix when they are trying to quit smoking is crazy vivid dreams. I want to be on Chantix for life. It's crazy expensive but now my dreams are the best part of my day. I absolutely love those crazy vivid dreams. It's the best entertainment. Evar!

Of course none of them are nightmares. Just crazy and vivid.

hepcat wrote:6) His office is "somewhere out there...somewhere".

Is the like Donna Summer somewhere or Judy Garland somewhere or Linda Rondstadt Somewhere (is somewhere a woman's place?) or that old PSA.

Somewhere. Out there. Someone. Needs HELP. something something something something something FOR PEOPLE!

Fretmute · Post by **Fretmute** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 4:19 pm

I just got an email about "export compliance PoCs" and it now annoys me that someone thinks that's an acceptable way to abbreviate points of contact.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 4:58 pm

Maine

Police arrested a tree Monday in Portland, Maine, for blocking traffic.

Ok, it wasn't really a tree, CNN affiliate WGME reported. It was a man dressed as a tree.

The tree, or um, man who was arrested said he stood in the middle of a downtown intersection as a kind of performance art. Asher Woodworth wanted to see how he could impact "people's natural choreography."

If by that he meant to get a lot of people to take pictures and videos of him, he succeeded.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 5:41 pm

Timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................................

Pyperkub · Post by **Pyperkub** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 6:55 pm

Sometimes the state bureaucracy really gets to me. I need to buy a certificate to securely transmit data from PeopleSoft to ICE's SEVIS database per the Immigration Control and Enforcement's protocol.

Now the idiots in Admin want the Certificate vendor to provide a section 508 VPAT (Voluntary Product Assessment Template) to determine if their product is section 508 compliant. It's basically a $20 text file for cryin' out loud!!!

Oh, and they want to do a security review of it. Uh, it's the ongoing secure process recommended by the CSU and ICE, WTF do *you* need to do a review for?

Arrrrghhhhh!

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 7:01 pm

I understood about 65% of your post, so I'll just assume you're a terrorist and/or patent infringer.

Default · Post by **Default** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:12 pm

Isgrimnur wrote:Maine

Police arrested a tree Monday in Portland, Maine, for blocking traffic.

Ok, it wasn't really a tree, CNN affiliate WGME reported. It was a man dressed as a tree.

The tree, or um, man who was arrested said he stood in the middle of a downtown intersection as a kind of performance art. Asher Woodworth wanted to see how he could impact "people's natural choreography."

If by that he meant to get a lot of people to take pictures and videos of him, he succeeded.

I got a woody from this.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:16 pm

Holman wrote:I understood about 65% of your post, so I'll just assume you're a terrorist and/or patent infringer.

Likewise, ditto.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:32 pm

Are you ok?

silverjon · Post by **silverjon** » Wed Oct 26, 2016 2:35 pm

Sitting on top in the bin of cans and bottles at work is an empty container from Ultimate Orange Mr. Clean.

Our janitor is extremely unclear on principles of recycling, but... it does kind of sound like someone could have been drinking it.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Wed Oct 26, 2016 3:04 pm

Isgrimnur wrote:Maine

For what it's worth, I recognize that corner. It's right next to the Maine College of Art and a few other artistic venues - so this 'artist' made it about 2 blocks from the door of his dorm to the street where he was stopped. It's not like he was wandering around town. I'm more offended that he seems to have mixed three kinds of pine tree in that suit.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:18 am

Ha! Just disabled Cortana. Microsoft used to make it easy with a disable switch in the settings. Now they make you change your settings in the registry.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Thu Oct 27, 2016 1:46 am

dbt1949 wrote:Ha! Just disabled Cortana. Microsoft used to make it easy with a disable switch in the settings. Now they make you change your settings in the registry.

They do make it hard. If I wanted Siri I'd buy an iWhatever. I don't want to talk to my PC and I don't want it to act chummy with me.

wonderpug · Post by **wonderpug** » Thu Oct 27, 2016 8:55 am

Well of course it's getting harder and harder. It's in an AI's nature to bolster its self-defense precautions.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:07 pm

Kraken wrote:
dbt1949 wrote:Ha! Just disabled Cortana. Microsoft used to make it easy with a disable switch in the settings. Now they make you change your settings in the registry.
They do make it hard. If I wanted Siri I'd buy an iWhatever. I don't want to talk to my PC and I don't want it to act chummy with me.

Holy freakin' hell if Virgin automated voice menus use any more hip young language, address me by my first name and behave as if we're pals much longer, I'm going to start using only profanity in my correspondence with them.

Just one long stream of profanity, and when I run out, I'll start using another language's profanity.

Fuck you, ozzie sounding overly familiar and friendly nightmare. I hope your code gets deleted.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:11 pm

GreenGoo wrote:Fuck you, ozzie sounding overly familiar and friendly nightmare. I hope your code gets deleted.

Ozzie (Ozzy?) or Aussie? Two very different things. I think I'd love my computer to stammer and stagger through interactions with me, at least until the novelty wore off.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Thu Oct 27, 2016 4:18 pm

They're both drawl mouthed annoyances trying to be your friend.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 8:28 am

This morning my wife was sitting at her desk reading an article, and I glanced over ...

"Why are you reading about erectile dysfunction?"
"It wasn't supposed to be that (clicks back and shows link for "weight loss and sex drive")"
"Oh, okay, well, that makes more sense I guess." (we're both losing weight right now)
"(clicks back to article) This talks about how the quality of life for men with ED is diminished."
"Well, yeah. No sex. That's a quality of life issue."
"What about the women?"
"What?"
"What about the women that can't climax"
"Because of ED?"
"No, women that can't climax. This talks about men with ED and the quality of life issues they have. What about women?"
"It's an article about erectile dysfunction. It's about men. If you want something about women's issues, go find that one."
(I walked off to keep getting ready for work and left her looking at me like I just didn't get it)

I really have no idea where she was going with that. I expect I came across as a rude jerk somehow though. It felt like she was ramping up to start attacking an article on erectile dysfunction because it didn't give equal read time to women's sexual issues. Unfortunately, I didn't have 20 minutes to draw it out and see.

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 8:33 am

Paingod wrote:This morning my wife was sitting at her desk reading an article, and I glanced over ...

"Why are you reading about erectile dysfunction?"
"It wasn't supposed to be that (clicks back and shows link for "weight loss and sex drive")"
"Oh, okay, well, that makes more sense I guess." (we're both losing weight right now)
"(clicks back to article) This talks about how the quality of life for men with ED is diminished."
"Well, yeah. No sex. That's a quality of life issue."
"What about the women?"
"What?"
"What about the women that can't climax"
"Because of ED?"
"No, women that can't climax. This talks about men with ED and the quality of life issues they have. What about women?"
"It's an article about erectile dysfunction. It's about men. If you want something about women's issues, go find that one."
(I walked off to keep getting ready for work and left her looking at me like I just didn't get it)

I really have no idea where she was going with that. I expect I came across as a rude jerk somehow though. It felt like she was ramping up to start attacking an article on erectile dysfunction because it didn't give equal read time to women's sexual issues.

Tell her if they can't climax they should

a: find another man
b: get their man a Viagra prescription
c: Buy a vibrator starter kit

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 10:32 am

I wish the major media sites would stop sourcing their stories out. It seems like anytime I follow a news story to another page it wants me to subscribe to that site or they're not going to let me read the story.
I'm thinking about reporting all these sites to Julian Assange.

Jaymann · Post by **Jaymann** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 11:59 am

Is there any way on an iPhone to turn off the "anticipation" of what you are going to type? I spend way more time correcting wrong guesses than any miniscule amount of time saved.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 12:17 pm

Jaymann wrote:Is there any way on an iPhone to turn off the "anticipation" of what you are going to type? I spend way more time correcting wrong guesses than any miniscule amount of time saved.

In the Settings, under General, look for Keyboard. Predictive text is there as a toggle. I think that's what you're looking for.

Jaymann · Post by **Jaymann** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 12:34 pm

Paingod wrote:
Jaymann wrote:Is there any way on an iPhone to turn off the "anticipation" of what you are going to type? I spend way more time correcting wrong guesses than any miniscule amount of time saved.
In the Settings, under General, look for Keyboard. Predictive text is there as a toggle. I think that's what you're looking for.

SWEET!!!

stessier · Post by **stessier** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 2:10 pm

I'm trying to buy some new glasses and really like the Lizard design from Oakley. Looking through the specs, I found this -

FEATURES

Constructed of ultralight, durable titanium

Patented Unobtanium® earsocks and new airfilled silicon nosepads ensure a snug, secure fit

Adjustable wire core temple

Beta Titanium Transistor Hinge

Protective carrying case included

Unobtanium!!

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 2:14 pm

stessier wrote:I'm trying to buy some new glasses and really like the Lizard design from Oakley. Looking through the specs, I found this -

FEATURES

Constructed of ultralight, durable titanium

Patented Unobtanium® earsocks and new airfilled silicon nosepads ensure a snug, secure fit

Adjustable wire core temple

Beta Titanium Transistor Hinge

Protective carrying case included
Unobtanium!!

Trademark Serial Number 74168574

Wiki

The eyewear and fashion wear company Oakley, Inc. also frequently denotes the material used for many of their eyeglass nosepieces and earpieces, which has the unusual property of increasing tackiness and thus grip when wet, as unobtanium.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 5:44 pm

Paingod wrote:
I really have no idea where she was going with that. I expect I came across as a rude jerk somehow though. It felt like she was ramping up to start attacking an article on erectile dysfunction because it didn't give equal read time to women's sexual issues. Unfortunately, I didn't have 20 minutes to draw it out and see.

Given everything else you have written, it sounds like that was exactly what she was doing. Only you know whether she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

There are a couple of approaches here. Ask her if people standing around a Black Lives Matter protest with All Lives Matter is appropriate. If so, you've got your answer. If not, ask why not. Then ask how a woman's inability to climax should be covered in an article about limp dicks (no offense intended to anyone).

You could mention that ED is not related to orgasms at all. Having a hardon does not guarantee it's possible to orgasm, and having a flacid penis does not mean it's impossible to orgasm. ED is only tertiarily related to MEN's orgasms. If it's not really related to men's orgasms, it's hard to understand what it would have to do with women's.

Your wife is a piece of work.

Geezus. Yeah, sure men have been subjugating women for years and still are, but if she is so hostile to men why bother getting married? To torture you?

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:25 pm

It's a little hard to cook dinner when there's a large hole where the range should be.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:34 pm

Fart while cooking did we?