Random randomness

[Anonymous Bosch]

Also, you underestimate how much you post about it. If you search your post history, you'll see it's about once a day. Which is understandable given the situation. But you need help. Get help.

Amen.

Daehawk, obviously I cannot speak to what your wife truly would've wanted for your life as a widower. But I find it impossible to believe it would've involved your continued Sisyphean travails, endlessly torturing yourself day in and day out without seeking any relief or help to cope with your debilitating grief whatsoever.

Please, do get help. You need it every bit as much as the kidney surgery you've been anticipating.

[Kraken]

Also, you underestimate how much you post about it. If you search your post history, you'll see it's about once a day.

Dawhawk, I think you post about it a lot more than you realize. You don't create posts specifically about it, but you drop it in everywhere else. People talking about a new movie, you drop in and mention that you were going to see it with Donna, but now never will. People talking about their favorite game, you drop in an mention that you're so unhappy about Donna that you won't play it. People discussing food. People discussing hobbies. You get the idea. Now, I am absolutely OK with you writing about Donna, but you really might be better served starting a thread just for that. Call it Daehawk Randomness. People will still read it, and you'll have a place where you would be free to vent and talk, and we would be happy to answer.

Daehawk, I've never been anything but honest with you, even if that means telling you things you don't want to hear. That includes this. People here are being very, very compassionate and patient, and are genuinely giving you the opportunity to vent and trying to help you. But if you keep stepping into every discussion and bringing your worst day into it, people are eventually going to start responding, and it isn't always going to be polite or pleasant. Get yourself a good place to vent, and we'll listen. But people talking about happy puppy stories don't want to hear about the pet store burning down. They want to talk about happy puppy stories.

Thank you for saying exactly what I think, but was too dumb to type. Or +1, as the kids say.

[Zarathud]

You can't buy good pizza for $16. You can't do your own Will for $16 either.

I have two estates now where deceased lawyers wrote their own Wills, screwing up their families and costing them tens of thousands dollars (or more). I have been unable to help a few people who used online Wills signed by a notary because they were either completely ineffective (because Wills have to be properly witnessed) or missed problems (like hated ex-spouses controlling their kids' money as guardian).

BTW, if you have kids or any non-nuclear family, you should have a Will from a lawyer.

[dbt1949]

Well, I woke up dead this morning.
I got better tho.

[hepcat]

You can't buy good pizza for $16. You can't do your own Will for $16 either.

I have two estates now where deceased lawyers wrote their own Wills, screwing up their families and costing them tens of thousands dollars (or more). I have been unable to help a few people who used online Wills signed by a notary because they were either completely ineffective (because Wills have to be properly witnessed) or missed problems (like hated ex-spouses controlling their kids' money as guardian).

BTW, if you have kids or any non-nuclear family, you should have a Will from a lawyer.

I should pick your brain on this subject. I was just thinking the other day that if I croak, I haven't put anything down on paper. And I have a rather substantial retirement account. I worry that if I pass away, someone will "find" a hastily scribbled note on a cocktail napkin in my place that simply reads, "Give everything to Zarathud's kids".

[Kraken]

Your retirement accounts have designated beneficiaries, right? IDK how ironclad those are, but it ought to be enough to keep it out of Zarathud's hands.

[Zarathud]

Sometimes you have to decide who in the family decides what happens.

I am directing my executor to consult with hepcat to make sure my kids get what my board games are worth, not what I told my wife I paid for them. My prepainted D&D miniatures have a 50%+ investment return. Blood Rage and Xia (with the organizers) and my playmats should be incentive to get the stuff sold at GenCon.

[Blackhawk]

I've gone back and forth on a will. I don't really have any family to fight over my 'assets.' I have two half sisters and a half brother, one of whom I haven't seen in ten years, the others I haven't seen in 30+. No parents, no spouse, just the kids. All that I have is 'stuff' - board games, miniatures, furniture, a few nice comics. No savings, no assets save for a car that's worth about a thousand bucks (maybe - no heating/AC, no defrosters, no dash lights, windows don't roll down, no radio...) I've told Michelle that she and the kids should just keep what they want, offer the rest to who they think will use it, and sell/give away/bonfire the rest.

[Smoove_B]

I've told Michelle that she and the kids should just keep what they want, offer the rest to who they think will use it, and sell/give away/bonfire the rest.

That sounds like an excellent thing to have a lawyer write up so there's no questions. My wife was my MIL's executor but after things got wacky with step family, she thankfully now has an attorney as her executor. I'm never going to Ohio, but I'm thankful she did that as I expect there to be a knock-down drag out battle royale (no cheese) when the time comes.

[Blackhawk]

Is there anyone who would really contest it (or be able to contest it), though? For people who spend thousands on vacations or buy new cars every five years it may not be that much, but spending $500 isn't a small thing for me. It's the kind of expense that I'd have to spend the better part of a year letting broken things stay broken and stopping all non-life related expenses (no games, no books, no music, no paint, etc) to put together. That's a pretty huge deal.

[gbasden]

Is there anyone who would really contest it (or be able to contest it), though? For people who spend thousands on vacations or buy new cars every five years it may not be that much, but spending $500 isn't a small thing for me. It's the kind of expense that I'd have to spend the better part of a year letting broken things stay broken and stopping all non-life related expenses (no games, no books, no music, no paint, etc) to put together. That's a pretty huge deal.

I don't think I would worry about it in your shoes. That's a big expense for someone in your position. The way I would look at it is how upset it would make you if the state ended up with everything when you pass away. If that doesn't cause you instant heartburn, I wouldn't shoulder the expense. IANZarathud, though, so my decidedly non-lawyerly advise is probably not worth squat.

I *do* need to deal with a trust for medical power of attorney and assets in the very near future. As soon as I'm done with all the crap dealing with my parent's estate it's going to be my top priority.

[hitbyambulance]

while in the opthmalogist's waiting room this morning, the tv had the She-Ra: Princess of Power reboot (on Netflix) playing. i saw part of the pilot episode and i may be hooked now

[Holman]

I *do* need to deal with a trust for medical power of attorney and assets in the very near future. As soon as I'm done with all the crap dealing with my parent's estate it's going to be my top priority.

Medical power of attorney and a living will are important!

It's not just about making your wishes known. It can be about saving your loved ones from the burden of crushing medical bills.

[Kasey Chang]

Don't forget "advanced care directive" just in case.

[Smoove_B]

Now they want a separate letter indicating how I came to find out about this house being for sale. It was never listed on MLS and was a private sale. I think I'm going to tell them Bran and his 3-eyed raven foretold the coming of the listing and we just managed to make an offer before Winter came. JFC I've had about enough.

[Jaymann]

Now they want a separate letter indicating how I came to find out about this house being for sale. It was never listed on MLS and was a private sale. I think I'm going to tell them Bran and his 3-eyed raven foretold the coming of the listing and we just managed to make an offer before Winter came. JFC I've had about enough.

Did they have a for sale sign in the front yard?

[Smoove_B]

They did not. They're my parent's neighbors of almost 30 years and it turns out they're looking to relocate and like my money.

[$iljanus]

Now they want a separate letter indicating how I came to find out about this house being for sale. It was never listed on MLS and was a private sale. I think I'm going to tell them Bran and his 3-eyed raven foretold the coming of the listing and we just managed to make an offer before Winter came. JFC I've had about enough.

What would be the purpose of said letter?

[Smoove_B]

No idea. I don't know if this transaction is somehow setting off red flags or what. You'd think I was looking to open up a Los Pollos Hermanos franchise or something.

[AWS260]

Name of the Year final!

Pope Thrower vs. Jizyah Shorts!

[$iljanus]

No idea. I don't know if this transaction is somehow setting off red flags or what. You'd think I was looking to open up a Los Pollos Hermanos franchise or something.

The internet is failing me and I can't find an explanation for this or figure out the value of such a letter. I'm so happy we're out of the house buying game for the foreseeable future.

[Smoove_B]

I'm so happy we're out of the house buying game for the foreseeable future.

I would not wish this process on my worst enemy. I get that the mortgage industry nearly caused the implosion of our country a decade ago, but there's nothing in any of my paperwork that warrants this type of additional fine-tooth combing. Again, it makes me more nervous that on one is going to be able to clear the bar to buy my existing home (but if they need help writing letters, I'm a pro).

[pr0ner]

I'm so happy we're out of the house buying game for the foreseeable future.

I would not wish this process on my worst enemy. I get that the mortgage industry nearly caused the implosion of our country a decade ago, but there's nothing in any of my paperwork that warrants this type of additional fine-tooth combing. Again, it makes me more nervous that on one is going to be able to clear the bar to buy my existing home (but if they need help writing letters, I'm a pro).

This is still way too foreign compared to my home buying experience a couple months ago.

[hitbyambulance]

I'm so happy we're out of the house buying game for the foreseeable future.

I would not wish this process on my worst enemy. I get that the mortgage industry nearly caused the implosion of our country a decade ago, but there's nothing in any of my paperwork that warrants this type of additional fine-tooth combing. Again, it makes me more nervous that on one is going to be able to clear the bar to buy my existing home (but if they need help writing letters, I'm a pro).

yet i hear (from this very thread, even) that home ownership is far and away the preferred - and practically the only - viable mode of habitation. few here would deign to even consider anything else. so maybe i do wish for this process to be inflicted on me... i'll start my own thread.

[dbt1949]

There's always buy your property and build you own house. But I don't know if there is any vacant property in New Jersey.

[Smoove_B]

There's always buy your property and build you own house. But I don't know if there is any vacant property in New Jersey.

There's absolutely tons of it. The issue isn't finding a vacant lot. The issue is that people are fleeing from fringe areas of the state (like where I live currently) and moving east and to more central areas - where civilization exists. Or they're fleeing the state completely and retiring elsewhere - NJ is really, really bad for retirees. But the bottom line is that our population is shifting, I think because people are figuring out that living out in the middle of nowhere doesn't end up saving you as much as you think. We're currently sitting on a powder-keg with property taxes. The fuse is either our public school system or the public pension system - depends on who you ask. It's probably both, but I'm doubling down for the near future. Going to be neighbors with my elderly parents, which will either be the greatest thing in the world or the worst thing ever.

[Kraken]

We paid $150k for our house 30 years ago. If we'd been able to keep up with maintenance and do a couple of upgrades, we could sell it now for about $550k. We didn't, so I figure it's actually worth around $400k -- the next owners will probably want to gut it and start fresh. Still, disregarding the repairs that we did buy and the taxes we paid, it's roughly tripled in value, our mortgage payment is considerably less than rent would be, and it will be paid off in a few years. If we'd put that money into rent instead we would still be out the money with nothing to show for it.

A house might not be your best ROI, but owning one still beats paying someone else to live in theirs.

[dbt1949]

Build house on vacant lot = Medieval Fortress.

Safe from zombies and Trumph unrest.

[Pyperkub]

Feeling a bit under Bible educated today.

Was thinking that Monday the thirteenth should be worse than Friday the thirteenth today, but then I remembered a George Carlin bit I heard over the weekend about an interview with Jesus.

And I had a freaking epiphany about 13 being Judas and Friday being the day of his death before the Easter Sunday resurrection.

I practically hit myself in the head that triskedeliphobia had been around for over 2000 years. I'm guessing thirteen isn't "unlucky" in China or other cultures.

Now I'm wondering if it was actually a Friday /Sunday thing, or was it moved to be on a holy day?

[Blackhawk]

I've often wished for the freedom of owning a house. Want flower beds and green lawns? Plant flower beds and grass. Want grassless landscaping instead? Do that. Want your living room to be blue and your bathroom chartreuse? Grab a brush. Want locking bedroom doors? Buy locking doors. Electrical system so old that it kills electronics? Call an electrician. As a lifelong renter, I've always lived in somebody else's house, decorated inside and out based on 'market generic' that's easy to clean up for the next schmuck in line, guaranteed not to clash with anybody's taste or decor as it is a permanent blank page.

But I'm under no delusions about cost. Roof leaks? Call the landlord. His problem. Hot water heater goes out? Landlord's problem. Electrical system so old it kills electronics? Well, it turns your lights on, doesn't it? Then it's fine.

Of course, there is also the issue of having a landlord who puts in the effort (or who has the resources to do so.) My current place is a good example. If the hot water heater goes out, all I have to do is call and it will be fixed. But at the same time, the grass only gets mowed when it approaches knee high, the siding is crumbling off and is painted with 30+-year-old puke-peach paint, the roof has huge holes where opossums like to get inside, the trees are eventually going to either crush a car or the house, there is a mudhole in the driveway so deep that if I pull all the way in my car scrapes on the frame, and - well, you get the idea. I'm ashamed every time I have company over. They always comment on how nice it looks inside, having expected the same mess as outside. I always thank them and have to point out that I'm only in control of the inside.

There is also the issue of security. My landlord is elderly. If she decides its too much to hassle with, the place is sold and I'm out, just like that. Second story, one good arm, nobody within helping distance for the stuff that won't fit in a medium sized box (and nobody with a truck.)

Of course, renting means that I can move with relative ease. I still have to deal with the physical process, but there is no mortgage, sales, or 'getting the house ready' beyond cleaning up my own mess.

As an aside, my landlady is the nicest lady you'll ever meet. She just doesn't want to put anything into the property.

[hitbyambulance]

Electrical system so old it kills electronics? Well, it turns your lights on, doesn't it? Then it's fine.

i have likely been through every issue it's possible to experience as a renter, but this one particularly irks me. this had to be why i kept experiencing suspiciously premature power supply failures on my desktop PC(s) in at least two houses i've lived in - and this was even with surge protectors and quality, name-brand PSUs*. one of the houses was on the market (unbeknownst to me) so the owners didn't care, but the other... i pointed out to the owner about the issues i (and the cable company) found, but he was not about to rewire the rental house to bring it up to code (or at least find a way to eliminate the ground fault).

* as we've all experienced, the no-name $15 PSUs are just going to die early regardless.

[Smoove_B]

Now I'm wondering if it was actually a Friday /Sunday thing, or was it moved to be on a holy day?

Knights Templar. It always comes back to the Knights Templar.

[Isgrimnur]

Now I'm wondering if it was actually a Friday /Sunday thing, or was it moved to be on a holy day?

Knights Templar. It always comes back to the Knights Templar.

And/or the Mongols.

[Enough]

The NYT has an article up that should stir some nostalgia and a feeling of being old for a number of us, The GenX Mess. Apparently the boomers get to retire in peace and it's our turn to get blamed for all that is wrong with the world. Actually much of the article is a fun trip down memory lane, I feel lucky I got to grow up when I did and the article reminded me again as to why.

[dbt1949]

Found a small king snake on the floor in front of the fridge just now.
I think that means seven years good luck.

[Blackhawk]

Ugh, getting European hornets in the house.

[Isgrimnur]

Ugh, getting European hornets in the house.

If you call them for dinner, or offer them a treat, it's probably easier. I doubt they get American treats very frequently.

[wonderpug]

Ugh, getting European hornets in the house.

If you call them for dinner, or offer them a treat, it's probably easier. I doubt they get American treats very frequently.

What is the airspeed velocity of a European hornet unladen with treats?

[Isgrimnur]

Ugh, getting European hornets in the house.

If you call them for dinner, or offer them a treat, it's probably easier. I doubt they get American treats very frequently.

What is the airspeed velocity of a European hornet unladen with treats?

Bumblebee.org

Hornets are speedy fliers with a flight speed of 6.0 metres per second and 100 wing beats per second. ... They are expert fliers and can fly up, down, forwards and backwards.

Which is 13.42 mph in freedom units.

[Jaymon]

its been one year since I bought my first house. its still scary, thinking, "this is a thing I own, and I am entirely responsible for it" Lots of things I never considered before. Such as,

I now have a respectable and growing collection of tools. For the powered ones, I chose Ryobi. Not because I researched, but because I liked the color. But they are serving me well.

I have to set up and respect periodic maintenance, like crawl space inspection, underhouse inspection, gutter cleaning, exterior pwoerwash.

but the freedom to do whatever I want (with some HOA restrictions) is really really nice. I have gone shelf crazy, I put shelves in every room of the house. But a gigantic cat enclosure in the back yard, attached to the the side of the house, and just leave the window open for the cats. Then I put even more shelves in the house I drilled holes everywhere, its AWESOME!

Turns out, I am not a bad hand with simple carpentry.

For my next project, I want to attach a flag pole to the porch, but instead of a flag, I will hang a bird feeder on it, so I can have a bird feeder outside the window of my office.