How is your career going?

[LordMortis]

...and I could be your wacky neighbor who barges in at inopportune times!

[stimpy]

...and I could be your wacky neighbor who barges in at inopportune times!

Perfect timing!!!
Almost like it was scripted!!!

[Kasey Chang]

All right, got a job offer in hand, or will be in the email inbox in the next hour.

The bad part? It starts Next Year. But that means I have another month to play more games.

[Isgrimnur]

Congrats

[LordMortis]

All right, got a job offer in hand, or will be in the email inbox in the next hour.

The bad part? It starts Next Year. But that means I have another month to play more games.

[RunningMn9]

Please compare and contrast ‘The Treatment’ with ‘The Business’. Thank you.

The Treatment(tm) is something that stemmed from my trauma. I am incredibly sensitive to the feeling of being ignored, and so I can be hyperconscious of not doing that to other people. So when I had more time on my hands, and someone took the time to post something to me in a discussion, I would make sure to try to take the time to address every single element of what they were saying. Of course, that's a bit heavy handed, and I don't think anyone on the receiving end would have realized that it was my brain's attempt to not do to others what it couldn't tolerate being done to me.

No idea what "The Business" is.

A psychological breakthrough happened with me in an argument with my (now ex-)girlfriend. "I don't need to be right, I need to be heard."

It's funny how sometimes all it takes is hearing a particular set of words, in the right sequence at the right time - and BAM! - everything becomes clear.

Some background (and apologies for this thread careening into unrelated territory): I've lived most of life as an emotionless robot.

Some time in 2016 that started to change. Things that never would have bothered me at work, started to eat away at me (so we are sort of on topic!). I didn't realize it at the time, but I would periodically have bouts with anxiety over these things at work. My brain is a problem solving machine, and so it set about trying to solve the problem of the things that were causing anxiety. Over the next couple of years, the situation did not appear to be improving, and my brain started trying to work harder at solving the problem. And the anxiety started to grow.

In Feb of 2019, there was an issue at work, where I spent about two months of my own time writing a proposal for how to solve a serious problem that we were trying to deal with. My boss and I presented the proposal to her boss, and it was immediately dismissed. Two months of building that, and it was just tossed in the trash without really reading any of it. The wheels came off inside my head.

While that was happening a few other things were happening where my boss was making decisions which seemed to me (to my now anxiety-riddled brain) to minimize my contribution and role on the team (despite being the senior developer). Every moment of every day, my brain was busy trying to solve this new problem. And every day it seemed to be getting worse. And so my brain tried harder to solve the problem. And it kept getting worse.

In August of 2019, my first bout with total protonic reversal. A situation happened and I simply could not handle it. My wife had sensed something was wrong for years by this point and had been trying to get me to seek help, but I didn't know what was wrong - it was just an issue at work. In August of 2019, I gave up and went with her to her therapy appt - a decision that very possibly saved my life.

I spent that hour talking to her (and now my) therapist, focused on what was happening at work, and how it was eating away at me. When we got done, she mentioned that she does a lot of work with trauma victims and that she felt like she was talking to someone suffering from PTSD. I was "WTF are you talking about?". Trauma? I've never experienced trauma.

I started seeing her once or twice a week, and while I started to unravel some things, I just kept feeling like it was work-related, and she just kept chuckling and telling me "It's not about work RunningMn9...".

We arrive at November 2019. I had been up for 72 hours straight, caught in an anxiety loop over a situation at work that I could not think my way out of or move past. My therapist had suggested journaling at one point - but I discovered that I cannot do that. If I sit down to write about my feelings, my mind goes blank and I literally can't think of words. I write a lot in general for my job, and I'm normally very good at breaking through writer's block, but I just can't do it when it comes to this (incidentally, it turns out that this is one of the markers of pre-verbal trauma). What I can do though, is write TO SOMEONE about what I'm feeling. I cannot talk to myself about it, but if I am talking to someone else (like now), I can't shut up about it.

I had driven my daughter to dance that day, and while she was in her class, I took out my iPad, and just started writing. I wrote about 10 pages in the 40 minutes that I was waiting, and was very nearly at a moment of a mental breakdown, because I just couldn't find a way out. My daughter had per permit and so was driving home, and she nearly ended us by pulling out into traffic when she couldn't see what was coming. I started to explain what she should have done, and she cut me off and started arguing.

I blacked out. 45 years of bottling up nearly every emotion I've ever had, exploded. I don't remember what I said. I don't even remember if it was words. For the rest of my life I will never forget the look of sheer terror on her face. We got home and she went inside, and it was about an hour before I could get out of the car.

Which brings me to the moment that I wanted to respond to. I had to get to that moment, and then hear the right set of works, said by the right person. When I finally came inside, and was talking to my wife about something else, she just casually dropped "It's a shame, because no matter how hard you try, it will never be enough for your parents".

It was like getting hit with a thunderbolt. The 10 pages that I had written in the car? Over and over and over again - it just kept hitting the same theme - that no matter how hard I was trying, it didn't ever seem to be good enough. I had spent *years* at that point, trying to solve a problem that didn't exist.

That was the moment that I could finally begin to understand how I was broken, and healing could begin. But a big part of that is understanding what it was about work that was making feel just close enough to that unresolved feeling that it opened the floodgates and let out a torrent of emotion that I have been suppressing my entire life. That's the ongoing challenge. Luckily that was the last time that I was truly in a crisis moment though, and that breakthrough was instrumental in making it happen. Who knows what would have happened if my wife hadn't said that, in that way, on that day?

Just out of curiosity, would that include people not understanding what you're trying to say too? We have a developer at our office who sometimes speaks in what we like to call "Eric-a-nese", a language that is often changing or sometimes way too technical for his audience. He gets frustrated and angry when people don't understand him. It's at the point now where some of the higher ups in the company just don't even want to talk to him because they're afraid of making him angry if they don't understand what he's saying immediately.

I don't *think* so? I'm generally very good at simplifying, so I don't usually have an issue with people not "getting it". There can be some frustration there, when they are getting it, and they disagree, and the disagreement feels like they aren't "getting it" - but that's just normal. At the end, I just have to know when to say when, know that I tried, and then decide if it's worth "winning". Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

I do try to focus my efforts on being correct, rather than right - and so I do genuinely try to listen to people when they disagree with me, and really try to see if they have the correct answer. So I tend to push back a little hard, but as soon as I see that I'm wrong, I will change instantly. The project that I am just wrapping up now (the project that got rejected in 2019, and then green lit in 2020 after that guy moved on) - all of the design work and initial implementation was just me and another senior engineer. We generally agree on most things, but every once in a while we are diametrically opposed. I've noticed though, that more often than not we convince each other that they are right, so halfway through we've swapped positions and are arguing against ourselves.

In a parallel universe, you and I are married.

Well, I didn't expect to read that today - but yeah, you are probably right. Similar wounds have similar scars. Well, that should probably be , but you get the point.

[Isgrimnur]

I'm glad that you have arrived at a smoother way forward, even if it took driving through hell to get there.

[LordMortis]

stuff

You've mellowed out and I've gotten hypercritical and even angry. What's up with that? I still haven't gone back to FB. Not sure if/when I will. I used to hold conversations rather than having arguments. Now I just want to skip it all and tune people out.

[RunningMn9]

You've mellowed out and I've gotten hypercritical and even angry. What's up with that? I still haven't gone back to FB. Not sure if/when I will. I used to hold conversations rather than having arguments. Now I just want to skip it all and tune people out.

The universe requires balance.

My Facebook feed is reduced to like 5 people that never post anything that has even a chance of annoying me. I try to not engage here if I'm going to get irritated. The only place I still lash out is on Twitter, which forces me to focus my hatred of anti-vaxx shit-birds like a laser into 280 characters.

[Kasey Chang]

Glad you worked things out. Putting pressure on yourself is one of those invisible things that will just ruin your day and your life, about failing yourself, your family, and so on. It will just eat you up from the inside.

My COVID period of joblessness lead me to be much more relaxed about the whole thing. But then, I don't exactly have a family to take care of, being still a bachelor. I can survive for another few months if need be.

[Jeff V]

HOWEVER, I should not act so confidently when giving a bullshit answer when I'm guessing wrongly on something I really don't know.

There goes 90 percent of the tech world!

But in all seriousness, good luck, man!

Hoped to have heard something (either way) by today. Dude suggested that the decision would be pushed to this week because of additional interviews HR had scheduled. But as usual, crickets.

Wife is seeking my blessing to buy about 1 city block worth of land in the town where she grew up. Some of her coworkers are interested in pitching in to put up a 20 unit apartment building. Such things can be built for a fraction of the cost here. She's really trying to create some passive income so we could all move there and not work.

[gbasden]

I totally understand that moment of clarity. I've only ever had two, but it was like the world shifting into place for me. I'm really glad you are working through the trauma that your parents inflicted on you. My father was awesome, but he was an old school stoic and I have absolutely internalized the lesson of cramming my feelings down into a small box in the pit of my stomach and pretending they don't exist. I'm really trying to undo that, and it's not easy.

[RunningMn9]

I totally understand that moment of clarity. I've only ever had two, but it was like the world shifting into place for me. I'm really glad you are working through the trauma that your parents inflicted on you. My father was awesome, but he was an old school stoic and I have absolutely internalized the lesson of cramming my feelings down into a small box in the pit of my stomach and pretending they don't exist. I'm really trying to undo that, and it's not easy.

There are some reasons that I don’t want to get too specific on the nature of the trauma, but it was more complicated than “parents” (although the moment of clarity above doesn’t make that clear). And it wasn’t even something that I was aware of for most of my life. I thought it was just how people grew up, and I thought I was totally fine.

As everything unraveled, I was the only one that was surprised.

When I first started to come aware, I had some things I needed to sort through because my memories of certain things are fragmented and I don’t know if I could trust them. So I called someone that I trust, that knew me at the time. About ten seconds into the phone call, he was like “I’ve been waiting for this call for about 40 years. You’re not crazy.”

Apparently almost everyone knew except me.

[Kraken]

Emotions always feel bad. On the rare occasions that mine break out, I have to apologize for them. Much better to not feel anything.

[RunningMn9]

Emotions always feel bad. On the rare occasions that mine break out, I have to apologize for them. Much better to not feel anything.

The emotions will always be there, waiting for you.

[gbasden]

Emotions always feel bad. On the rare occasions that mine break out, I have to apologize for them. Much better to not feel anything.

The emotions will always be there, waiting for you.

+1

[Carpet_pissr]

Nah, you just have to ball them up EXTRA tight and push them down even further when they try to show out.

SUPER effective with no detrimental side effects whatsoever.

Whatever you guys are espousing sounds like emotional anarchy to me! Wtf

[dbt1949]

+1

[RunningMn9]

Nah, you just have to ball them up EXTRA tight and push them down even further when they try to show out.

SUPER effective with no detrimental side effects whatsoever.

Whatever you guys are espousing sounds like emotional anarchy to me! Wtf

For about 45 years, I was right with you man. Just cram it down.

Even for me, whose survival mechanism was to fragment my memory recording process to remove any emotional component - they're all in there still, they just aren't connected to the original event. It's just a toxic soup of pain, waiting to attach itself to anything that is kinda, sort of similar.

There's a phrase in the trauma world, "the body keeps score". What goes in, must come out (eventually). BUT, if you are relatively healthy otherwise, you can probably stuff quite a bit down, and run out the clock before it comes exploding out. So Kraken's plan might work still.

[Isgrimnur]

Well, he's close to retirement and has already managed to cut off most human contact through his late career choices.

[Carpet_pissr]

Nah, you just have to ball them up EXTRA tight and push them down even further when they try to show out.

SUPER effective with no detrimental side effects whatsoever.

Whatever you guys are espousing sounds like emotional anarchy to me! Wtf

For about 45 years, I was right with you man. Just cram it down.

Sorry, and this is for the entire board: please just assume there’s a /s after 95% of my posts.

[RunningMn9]

I assumed it in this case. I was just laughing that I certainly get it, and for Kraken I hope he can keep it rolling until the end!

[Carpet_pissr]

Let's play "Scam, or Real?" with your host, Carpet Pissssserrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (cue funky 70's intro music)

I received this email the other day, and immediately assumed it was a scam, but there is a website for the company - apparently 3 people work there - none of which I could find on LInkedIn (which doesn't mean they aren't on there, but certainly raises a red flag).

Just throwing it out there to see if anyone else getting similar? I guess it couldn't hurt if it is some kind of scam, except not sure what a scammer might have planned for my resume I guess.


Executive Level Opportunities

David Kirk <david@privateequitycorp.com>
Dec 3, 2021, 6:37 PM (6 days ago)

Hello CP,

I am reaching out to see if you would be interested in exploring Executive Level opportunities.

I am an Executive Recruiter of Private Equity Corp., and our client has retained us to fill various senior-level positions in one of their recent acquisitions.

I have reviewed your Linkedin profile and found your skills and experience to be impressive and relevant to the job position.

If you are interested in learning more about our company and the position, we would love to set up a quick phone call. We would be pleased to answer any questions you may have and give you all the details about the job.

Please reply to this email with an updated copy of your resume.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Best regards,

David Kirk
Senior Executive Recruiter
Private Equity Corp.

[Kasey Chang]

Domain registered in May 2021, no public info (hidden behind DynaDot private reg)

Follow us links are bogus and doesn't link anywhere.

Searching the phone number revealed a second domain that looks identical called "PErecruitingInc.com"

The domain actually links to contact method to Harvard Group International (hgi1.com) Which seems to be the real site that was cloned twice.

So, scam, at least to me.

[malchior]

Let's play "Scam, or Real?" with your host, Carpet Pissssserrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (cue funky 70's intro music)

I received this email the other day, and immediately assumed it was a scam, but there is a website for the company - apparently 3 people work there - none of which I could find on LInkedIn (which doesn't mean they aren't on there, but certainly raises a red flag).

Just throwing it out there to see if anyone else getting similar? I guess it couldn't hurt if it is some kind of scam, except not sure what a scammer might have planned for my resume I guess.

I get stuff like that all the time. Almost always real. These executive recruiters are tiny nowadays but are just glorified body hunters scraping LinkedIn. I'd just expect quality of the referral to be low. They'll set you up with some manager who is looking for something entirely differently or a size of company totally out of line with background/experience.

[Carpet_pissr]

Domain registered in May 2021, no public info (hidden behind DynaDot private reg)

Follow us links are bogus and doesn't link anywhere.

Searching the phone number revealed a second domain that looks identical called "PErecruitingInc.com"

The domain actually links to contact method to Harvard Group International (hgi1.com) Which seems to be the real site that was cloned twice.

So, scam, at least to me.

Wow, thanks! Would love to hear your number one tip or thing you do first to suss these out! Teach a mean to fish and all that...

[Carpet_pissr]

Let's play "Scam, or Real?" with your host, Carpet Pissssserrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (cue funky 70's intro music)

I received this email the other day, and immediately assumed it was a scam, but there is a website for the company - apparently 3 people work there - none of which I could find on LInkedIn (which doesn't mean they aren't on there, but certainly raises a red flag).

Just throwing it out there to see if anyone else getting similar? I guess it couldn't hurt if it is some kind of scam, except not sure what a scammer might have planned for my resume I guess.

I get stuff like that all the time. Almost always real. These executive recruiters are tiny nowadays but are just glorified body hunters scraping LinkedIn. I'd just expect quality of the referral to be low. They'll set you up with some manager who is looking for something entirely differently or a size of company totally out of line with background/experience.

Yeah, the minimum due dilligence I was able to do was check out the website (which looked legit, if a little "canned website you could crank out in 2 hours". Then I checked the actual source of the email (sometimes they have aliases of course). Then I looked up the company on LinkedIn - nothing. Three people listed as employees on their web page, but none on LinkedIn either (that I could see).

I figured they were either a one man show trying to seem big (which happens a lot), or total scam. Nothing wrong with the former of course, but something about the way the email is written seems off.

It must suuuuuuck being a recruiter...you can't give out enough information to potential hirees so they can just look up and apply to the job themselves (nixing your commission), but if you write something so generic as this one, or zero information, it doesn't garner any interest.

[LordMortis]

I'd never commit to it's a scam but just reading these two line suggest to me it's someone fishing rather than someone offering

I am an Executive Recruiter of Private Equity Corp., and our client has retained us to fill various senior-level positions in one of their recent acquisitions.

I have reviewed your Linkedin profile and found your skills and experience to be impressive and relevant to the job position.

Mystery client has unspecified needs that match your unspecified skillset. Makes me wonder if about replacing my toner cheaper than going to the manufacturer emails are something I should consider.

[malchior]

I figured they were either a one man show trying to seem big (which happens a lot), or total scam. Nothing wrong with the former of course, but something about the way the email is written seems off.

That is the problem with super generic. Usually you have some idea what the role is but "Executive" is a pretty meaningless notion. Might as well say I'm interested in your acumen 'for Business Acumen and Execution' as if that means anything. My guess is they are small and scraping resumes in hoping to hit pay dirt by scoring a referral. And the generic nature tells me they don't have a solid line with anyone.

It must suuuuuuck being a recruiter...you can't give out enough information to potential hirees so they can just look up and apply to the job themselves (nixing your commission), but if you write something so generic as this one, or zero information, it doesn't garner any interest.

To be honest, this is so generic that it is the basis of my belief that there is no specific opportunity or if there is one it is something that has been publicly advertised on LinkedIn for awhile. You can usually provide much more detail without giving away the client.

[Jeff V]

I keep getting calls from Indian recruiters, most with accents so thick it's hard to carry on a conversation with them (and I have quite a bit of experience with them). The numbers show us as US locations, but in a year and a half I think only one ever made it to a client interview. The latest was a few days ago...a critical incident manager, severely lowballing on salary. I tell him I can only take it if the job is 100% remote...he calls back a few minutes later to say it was. So I agree to have him submit me for the job. A few hours later he calls back to check my vaccine status. Why the fuck does it matter if I am working from home 100% of the time? I'm fully vaccinated and boosted but still...

[Unagi]

I keep getting calls from Indian recruiters, most with accents so thick it's hard to carry on a conversation with them (and I have quite a bit of experience with them). The numbers show us as US locations, but in a year and a half I think only one ever made it to a client interview. The latest was a few days ago...a critical incident manager, severely lowballing on salary. I tell him I can only take it if the job is 100% remote...he calls back a few minutes later to say it was. So I agree to have him submit me for the job. A few hours later he calls back to check my vaccine status. Why the fuck does it matter if I am working from home 100% of the time? I'm fully vaccinated and boosted but still...

Company policy?

[Jeff V]

Maybe, it just seemed like an odd thing to call about at that point and time. Had I not been vaccinated, but it was a requirement of the job, might I not get vaccinated if was conditional upon an offer? At this point, I've not spoken with anyone with actual influence on the hiring of this position.

What I suspect is a lot of these Indian calls I'm getting aren't actually companies contracted by the hiring company -- they are third parties picking up posted listings, and then hoping to present screened candidates to companies that never solicited their services. There have been so many, and they've all gone nowhere. Then again, those where I did speak with hiring managers also have gone nowhere, but at least there's been brief moments of hopefulness.

[gbasden]

A few hours later he calls back to check my vaccine status. Why the fuck does it matter if I am working from home 100% of the time? I'm fully vaccinated and boosted but still...

It's a good way to screen out those who have exceptionally poor critical thinking skills.

[Kasey Chang]

Domain registered in May 2021, no public info (hidden behind DynaDot private reg)

Follow us links are bogus and doesn't link anywhere.

Searching the phone number revealed a second domain that looks identical called "PErecruitingInc.com"

The domain actually links to contact method to Harvard Group International (hgi1.com) Which seems to be the real site that was cloned twice.

So, scam, at least to me.

Wow, thanks! Would love to hear your number one tip or thing you do first to suss these out! Teach a mean to fish and all that...

Okay, long version.

First, I checked ICANN domain lookup and see when the domain was registered. Only a few months ago. It also contains no corporate details. Contact details says Super Privacy something and goes to DynaDot, which basically shields the actual registrar. I checked the URL they left and it's basically a contact form that promises to forward your email to the site admin, if they ever respond. The short time frame was a bit suspicious, as is the private domain reg, but neither are glaring red flags.

I went to the site and checked for links. The lower right corner has a couple buttons, but the LinkedIn one goes to Linkedin.com, not their own profile. The other buttons don't go anywhere either.

I checked their contact form, and they gave an address and a phone number. I didn't check the address whether it's legit or not.

I tried Googling the phone number and found a match... another recruiting firm, PERecruitingInc.com . Went there... The site is IDENTICAL except for the logo and domain name. Hmmm... must keep digging.

TO check whether this one is real, I check the same buttons... Except the buttons don't go to PERecruitingInc. They go to HGI

I Googled HGI, found their website at HGI1.com, and voila, identical website, different address and contact details.

I didn't check all the domain names, but I have a feeling that HGI1.com is the real thing, and the other two are clones.

The second one may be real but shady.

The first one is almost definitely a scam.

I can probably check more domain reg to verify the details, and also Google the addresses and see if the company actually shows up on Yelp or Google address searches, corporation records, business licenses, and such, but I felt I've done enough.

I did similar things when digging into scams like ZeekRewards and such.

[stessier]

I keep getting calls from Indian recruiters, most with accents so thick it's hard to carry on a conversation with them (and I have quite a bit of experience with them). The numbers show us as US locations, but in a year and a half I think only one ever made it to a client interview. The latest was a few days ago...a critical incident manager, severely lowballing on salary. I tell him I can only take it if the job is 100% remote...he calls back a few minutes later to say it was. So I agree to have him submit me for the job. A few hours later he calls back to check my vaccine status. Why the fuck does it matter if I am working from home 100% of the time? I'm fully vaccinated and boosted but still...

Company policy?

If they are federal contractors, it doesn't matter where the employee works, they have to be vaccinated.

[Unagi]

(Thanks, that was sorta my point).
Also, many companies don’t like having classes of employees in these kind of things, so they will have a blanket policy that everyone must follow.
I mean, I also know Jeff knows this.

[stessier]

(Thanks, that was sorta my point).

Ah, sorry. I was just trying to point out that it's more a legal requirement (granted one that is being challenged) than just company policy.

[Carpet_pissr]

I can probably check more domain reg to verify the details, and also Google the addresses and see if the company actually shows up on Yelp or Google address searches, corporation records, business licenses, and such, but I felt I've done enough.

You sure did! Thanks!

[Brian]

Got an email from corporate thanking everybody for their hard work this year. As a reward for your efforts, please accept this $25 Costco Gift Card.

Fuck me, are you serious?

Turns out, no, they weren't serious. In a state of disgusted disbelief, I clicked on the link and, "Hey! This was a phishing test and you just failed!
You have been enrolled in mandatory cyber-security training!" Merry Christmas!

Fuck me with a humbug.

[Isgrimnur]