Random randomness

[telcta]

At the library looking through the magazines and I see Mad is still in publication. That and Cracked are the ones I read many many years ago.

[hepcat]

See if Brian is walking around with a copy of the Guinness Book of World Records. If so, get out of there fast. You ain’t gonna like what happens next.

[Anonymous Bosch]

I get what I refer to as gaming block or a gaming funk...like a writer gets writers block. I can sit here at the pc wanting to play something and nothing comes to me. I can think of stuff and I just ignore it..if I try something I hate it. But if I go to the kitchen a game will pop into my head and I actually FEEL I want to play it. Or I go outside and fell the cool fall air and think this is gaming weather like the old days...but inside nada..I just cant do it lol. Ive had this off and on over my entire gaming life. Not much when I was first into them and younger..but more lately...think due to normal depression.....they do finally go away. And I do get spurts of gaming in.

I realise this is a radical suggestion, but have you ever considered spending your time doing something more fulfilling and worthwhile than just playing the same old computer games over, and over, and over again, in a futile effort to revive and rekindle your sentimental longings for times past? Realistically, if that's become the focal point of your existence, then it's no wonder you're so depressed because that has all the depth and purpose of a puddle. Think about it this way: when on your death bed, no one in their right mind ought to look back proudly upon all the time they spent grinding solo gaming loot and experience, because that would suggest a mighty shallow life indeed.

Seriously, put some effort into finding worthwhile local volunteer opportunities that match your interests on sites like VolunteerMatch or Idealist. If doing so takes you out of your comfort zone… so what? Volunteering at a local zoo, animal shelter, hospice, or elder care facility, would at least give you something to feel proud of at the end of your day. I suspect the best cure for what ails you would be to connect with your community, strengthen your ties within it, and broaden your support network. Volunteering would expose you to locals with common interests, while providing satisfying and fulfilling activities in the process. Better yet, it makes for a perfect opportunity to practice and develop your social skills, since you're meeting regularly with a group of others with common interests.

(Apologies for reiterating this post, but I wanted to make sure Daehawk actually reads it).

[telcta]

I heard a slam and a high-pitched scream… I will not investigate further.

[hitbyambulance]

I get what I refer to as gaming block or a gaming funk...like a writer gets writers block. I can sit here at the pc wanting to play something and nothing comes to me. I can think of stuff and I just ignore it..if I try something I hate it. But if I go to the kitchen a game will pop into my head and I actually FEEL I want to play it. Or I go outside and fell the cool fall air and think this is gaming weather like the old days...but inside nada..I just cant do it lol. Ive had this off and on over my entire gaming life. Not much when I was first into them and younger..but more lately...think due to normal depression.....they do finally go away. And I do get spurts of gaming in.

I realise this is a radical suggestion, but have you ever considered spending your time doing something more fulfilling and worthwhile than just playing the same old computer games over, and over, and over again, in a futile effort to revive and rekindle your sentimental longings for times past? Realistically, if that's become the focal point of your existence, then it's no wonder you're so depressed because that has all the depth and purpose of a puddle. Think about it this way: when on your death bed, no one in their right mind ought to look back proudly upon all the time they spent grinding solo gaming loot and experience, because that would suggest a mighty shallow life indeed.

Blackhawk had a couple mighty good posts on this:
http://octopusoverlords.com/forum/viewt ... a#p2875994
http://octopusoverlords.com/forum/viewt ... a#p2914452

Seriously, put some effort into finding worthwhile local volunteer opportunities that match your interests on sites like VolunteerMatch or Idealist. If doing so takes you out of your comfort zone… so what? Volunteering at a local zoo, animal shelter, hospice, or elder care facility, would at least give you something to feel proud of at the end of your day. I suspect the best cure for what ails you would be to connect with your community, strengthen your ties within it, and broaden your support network. Volunteering would expose you to locals with common interests, while providing satisfying and fulfilling activities in the process. Better yet, it makes for a perfect opportunity to practice and develop your social skills, since you're meeting regularly with a group of others with common interests.

and also -- ANIMAL CHARITY VOLUNTEERING. there's a purpose for ya.

https://www.idealist.org/en/volunteer?a ... ANIMALS&q=

[hepcat]

I heard a slam and a high-pitched scream… I will not investigate further.

[Holman]

+1 to the volunteer/purpose posts.

Even something as simple and enjoyable as walking dogs at the ASPCA adds happiness to the world.

[LordMortis]

Things I never did before quitting my job. Pre planning most meals.

Overnight oats in the fridge for tomorrow breakfast. Shredded a rotisserie chicken for leftovers that will go in to potato skins for lunch and dinner tomorrow along with white rice and broccoli. Potato innards from the skins will be for breakfast on Saturday in the form of potato cakes. Left over white rice will be fried with egg and the remains of the chicken for lunch and dinner. Six months ago, the idea of knowing what I was going to have have for lunch two days from the current now was incontheivable.

[Daehawk]

At the library looking through the magazines and I see Mad is still in publication. That and Cracked are the ones I read many many years ago.

Didn't know that. I still see Dick DeBartolo online doing his thing. I remember when he'd be on tech shows in the day or The Screen Savers. Leo still has him on sometimes too.

[Daehawk]

Trouble is I dont want to be around other people. I dont want the trouble of fooling with people and their time and their needs or their company. I am uncomfortable with my teeth among many things. I dont want to volunteer with animals because I get attached to them. Or shelters because they lose or kill animals. Old people die or are near dead. I dont want to leave home unless I have to. On the flip side I dont like being alone. I dont like being bored or sad . Its why I use the term STUCK. I cant go back yet have zero interest in moving forward. Id just like to be here and be happy...like I used to be happy. But Im not and wont be and dont care to change it.

Life used to be just life. it flowed. Im not talking about just adult with wife life Im talking all my life. It just was life. But now Im old and nearer the end. No point. Ill stay as much as I can to what I know and always have been . It just doesn't flow now. Having say $25k would help fix a lot but it wouldn't fix me. Just the worries and dreads and hassles. Id still suck.

I think to feel better about myself and be comfortable around people again it would take dental implants and thats like $60k. lol.

Ive spent 28 years sitting here at the computer...same spot same chair same chest it sits on.

[hepcat]

Please take this in the compassionate and worried tone I hear in my head as I write this, but if that’s not a cry for help, I don’t know what is. You need to talk to someone. There are free mental health resources available to you. If you need help finding them, I’m sure I or someone else here could help you find them. But you need to talk to someone. Someone who can help you. This is no way to live.

[Zarathud]

You will feel better by doing things and overcoming your own self-created limitations.

Insanity is doing the same thing for 28 years and expecting a different outcome. It’s no longer random, the result is utterly predictable. No matter how many times you drop the rock on your head, it’s still going to fall and it’s still going to hurt.

If you can’t change, talk to someone who might help change. You’ve heard this advice repeatedly.

[Smoove_B]

If you can’t change, talk to someone who might help change.

And/or give you medications that will modify your brain chemistry enough to make the surrounding meat-bag more open to change.

[Daehawk]

I could self medicate and get better and safer results than the crap they push these days..its all money and kickbacks. I dont need suicidal thoughts on top of everything else.

[Smoove_B]

See? That's your brain trying to keep you in your current state. Your brain doesn't want you to get better right now; it wants you to stay just like it is.

You've been self medicating for decades and likely more/harder since your wife died. I don't say this lightly - you need professional help (and that's ok).

You don't need to live like you're living.

[hitbyambulance]

I could self medicate and get better and safer results than the crap they push these days..its all money and kickbacks. I dont need suicidal thoughts on top of everything else.

if we're going into anecdote land - i've been on five different anti-anxiety/depression meds. not one gave me suicidal thoughts. (insomnia, yes. but not on my current one)

(also, there's no 'money and kickbacks' on SSRIs that have been out for several decades, like the generic version of Prozac - which costs a whole $3.78 for 30 days on multiple online rx pharmacies)

it's like my dad refusing pain medication after his brain surgery insisting 'I DON'T TAKE DRUGS' while drinking himself to sleep every night.

[gbasden]

See? That's your brain trying to keep you in your current state. Your brain doesn't want you to get better right now; it wants you to stay just like it is.

You've been self medicating for decades and likely more/harder since your wife died. I don't say this lightly - you need professional help (and that's ok).

You don't need to live like you're living.

Yep, this. My wife was suicidal *before* she got help. Anti-depressants have given her her life back. Your brain is lying to you - that is what depression does.

[Anonymous Bosch]

Trouble is I dont want to be around other people.

Deny it all you want, but yes, you do, because that's just human nature and biology. Granted, it's certainly possible to live a completely solitary existence, but doing so is almost invariably detrimental to one's mental health; this is why 'solitary confinement' tends to be one of the harshest forms of punishment typically reserved for the worst and most dangerous elements of society kept locked behind bars. Loneliness has striking physical effects, and is inextricably linked with the apparent epidemic of depression and anxiety that hangs over our culture today like a thick smog.

I certainly understand and empathise with how self-conscious you feel about your dental health. But realistically, you're still able to function, communicate, and interact with others while out and about performing your ordinary tasks, duties, and errands necessary to avoid life as a complete and total shut-in. Which implies you're more than capable of volunteering and doing something more worthwhile and fulfilling with your time than simply watching Youtube videos of other humans reacting to other forms of entertainment, or replaying computer games in the futile hope of recapturing nostalgic sentiments from decades earlier. Speaking of your Youtube video consumption, this also belies your claimed disinterest in fooling with other people, their time, or company. The only difference being, you're attempting to replace genuine human companionship and discourse with the ersatz sensation of watching or communicating with others from behind the perceived safety of your computer screen. But that is an undeniably pale imitation of true human companionship and friendship, and only serves to further exacerbate your depression and dissatisfaction.

I'm sure you'll also shoot this suggestion down for one reason or another since doing so is effortless and perhaps habitual by now, but here's one simple local volunteer opportunity that would involve working and caring for animals, in which case getting attached would almost certainly serve to be an advantage:

Zoo Volunteer - Ages 18+
ORGANIZATION: CHATTANOOGA ZOO


Want to get a little closer to the animals at the Chattanooga Zoo? Now's your chance to experience the Zoo in an entirely different way! By volunteering at the Zoo! Training is provided. Orientation is on-going. Visit our website at www.chattzoo.org/volunteer to learn more about Volunteering at the Zoo! (Volunteers must be 18 + years of age.)

Ive spent 28 years sitting here at the computer...same spot same chair same chest it sits on.

Yes, so…

[Kraken]

You're not living; you're just passing time until you die, and not in a pleasant fashion. It doesn't have to be that way. You're depressed, and that can be fixed.

I've been depressed. I understand the inertia, the disinterest in changing. Just wanting to be left alone. That's wicked hard to overcome.

Many years ago Wife was driving me somewhere and I slipped into talking about suicide and death, which was always on my mind then. We were passing a cemetery and she pulled into the entrance and made me get out of the car. She was angry. "You want to die? These people are dead. This is what you want?" I took in the scene while struggling with emotions and trying to formulate a response, recognizing that what I said next would matter. We were in sunlight but the horizon was black with storm clouds. Lightning flashed. A flock of birds in a bare tree took flight, illuminated bright white by the sun against the roiling dark sky. I'm not a believer in omens, but that sure looked like one, and I had an epiphany: Deep down, I wanted to live.

Thus began a long hard process involving the nasty tricyclic drugs that existed before SSRIs came along (as I said, it was many years ago). We can't give you a good hard shaking through a computer screen. We're going to keep trying, but ultimately you have to shake it off yourself.

[Isgrimnur]

I had thoughts of suicide and self-harm from the age of 14 until 42, when I started on generic Zoloft. While it's not perfect, I no longer have intrusive thoughts about driving my car into a bridge support.

[Blackhawk]

I get what I refer to as gaming block or a gaming funk...like a writer gets writers block. I can sit here at the pc wanting to play something and nothing comes to me. I can think of stuff and I just ignore it..if I try something I hate it. But if I go to the kitchen a game will pop into my head and I actually FEEL I want to play it. Or I go outside and fell the cool fall air and think this is gaming weather like the old days...but inside nada..I just cant do it lol. Ive had this off and on over my entire gaming life. Not much when I was first into them and younger..but more lately...think due to normal depression.....they do finally go away. And I do get spurts of gaming in.

As others have said, that is also depression. Believe me, I know. It's something that I have battled for years. In fact, I am planning on seeing a professional about it again soon for the first time in eight years. I've learned that when it reaches a certain point, other people can help, even if I really don't want to go through the process.

We have begged you over and over again to get help. Rather than doing the whole speil again, I will just say this:

Daehawk, you are miserable because of something beyond your control. There is a way to fix it and be happy again, to look forward to the future again. But you have been choosing not to.

You can choose differently this time.

Or you can choose to be miserable, lonely, and sad.

Pick one. It's your choice.

[Anonymous Bosch]

I am uncomfortable with my teeth among many things.

BTW Daehawk, if you truly are so incredibly embarrassed by your dentition that it prevents any and all engagement in human social interaction, I have the perfect solution for you:



JUST. WEAR. A. FACE. MASK. Should anyone ask why (they won't), you need only explain that you suffer from a compromised immune system. End of story, and problem solved.

But realistically, as Smoove opined, I suspect this is more likely just another cop-out your brain has cooked up to avoid accepting responsibility and expending any effort towards taking positive action to snap out of your profoundly dysfunctional state. Because as he aptly observed:

That's your brain trying to keep you in your current state. Your brain doesn't want you to get better right now; it wants you to stay just like it is.

[Blackhawk]

Brains do that. They make excuses and rationalizations why you either can't do it, or why solutions won't work.

[Smoove_B]

Also, here are free and/or sliding scale (which could turn out to be free) dental options in Tennessee, organized by county. Everything from preventative care to dentures and implants.

[Daehawk]

JUST. WEAR. A. FACE. MASK.

Oh I know. I loved that part. I could talk to people and feel just fine. Loved it.

Also, here are free and/or sliding scale (which could turn out to be free) dental options in Tennessee, organized by county. Everything from preventative care to dentures and implants.

Gave up years ago...looked and looked and tried some places. No one near me does anything like that. Children yes but its all preventative care for even them. A traveling one will do extractions. There is NO place that does anything for surgery or dentures or anything. Implants are TOTALLY out. I mean who does $60,000 of free implants or any kind...no one.

[Smoove_B]

Well, masking is still an option. Be more like Westley from the Princess Bride - it's ok.

I wouldn't expect someone to implant a full set of choppers for free, no. But I would be surprised to learn there wasn't a mix of solutions offered - ones that might help dentures or partials work better (because there are implants in place to help secure them). I'm sorry to hear there's nothing local. Maybe it's changed since you last looked. Demand in my part of 'merica has been significant and mobile dental units have increased (slowly) over the last ~5 years. Perhaps trying to meet with a mobile unit for an evaluation and referral would be best? The president for one of the organizations I support here in NJ funds a mobile unit and when they created it, she acknowledged at the press conference how judgemental people are when they encounter someone without teeth. She felt it was imperative not only for health reasons but social reasons as well to do what they could to help.

[Blackhawk]

JUST. WEAR. A. FACE. MASK.

Oh I know. I loved that part. I could talk to people and feel just fine. Loved it.

Also, here are free and/or sliding scale (which could turn out to be free) dental options in Tennessee, organized by county. Everything from preventative care to dentures and implants.

Gave up years ago...looked and looked and tried some places. No one near me does anything like that. Children yes but its all preventative care for even them. A traveling one will do extractions. There is NO place that does anything for surgery or dentures or anything. Implants are TOTALLY out. I mean who does $60,000 of free implants or any kind...no one.

I actually tried IU School of Dentistry and didn't have any luck. With the sliding scale, it was still way past my ability to pay unless I wanted to take on years more debt.

I'm hoping that there is a certain age that some places will cut you a bit more slack.

[Smoove_B]

It's frustrating - I know. So many programs are set up to deal with extremes and if you meet any criteria you're automatically disqualified. By the time you can qualify (you're now age 60), the damage has been done - damage or issues that could have been addressed a decade prior if you didn't slip through the cracks. I wish I had an easy answer here, but it's frustrating for me to read (and see).

[dbt1949]

I finished mowing the lawn today. Maybe for the last time in my life. Just getting too hard. I need to think of and alternative for next year.

[Daehawk]

With no teeth I figure people take me for a meth head. Or at the least a poor southerner..which I am.

I just finished mowing a min ago. Last time this year. Ill probably run over the leaves when they fall like I do every year. In my 20s I raked and carried them off. Then we got a blower. Now I just ride mow.

Im down to 6 jugs of water and it will take them all to clean up tonight. SO none to drink until monday or use to clean up Monday before I go to town or anything. Trying to use the last of my paper plates so I dont have dishes sitting. All I need is bugs or rats.

[Holman]

Holy Cow.

I just learned that my oldest niece (a couple of years out of college) has been hired as a lighting technician for Critical Role, the famous live D&D show.

Her training and work so far has been in the technical side of theater, and she has spent a few years working backstage at various performance venues in California. But Critical Role just seems like an amazing step up, especially since she has been an RPG player for years.

[Jaymann]

That's sweet Holman!

[Kraken]

Our new neighbors hate raking leaves so much that they cut down all of their remaining trees today. They even took out two huge, beautifully shaped hollies that were at least 50 years old. The hollies were on their northern side, so they didn't throw shade, and they don't drop leaves. There was no reason to kill them except for not liking trees.

Sunny yards are fashionable among the young and I've watched our neighborhood lose many, many old giants over the years. When we bought our house 30+ years ago, mature shade trees were considered an asset. Now they're a nuisance.

I can't understand wanting to kill healthy, living things that started growing before they were born and would have kept on living after they're gone. The first couple of trees that they killed last spring were kind of marginal, and the sycamore was too close to their house, so I understood that (even though sycamores are rare around here).

Well, it's their property and their prerogative. At least I will get some comfort when the leaves from my many trees blow into their yard.

[Blackhawk]

And their cooling bill.

[Kraken]

Also, I think planting trees to fight global warming is only a virtue on the side of the political spectrum that these folks aren't on. There were tons of carbon in the corpses that were hauled away today.

In my socialist paradise abutters will get a vote on treeicide.

[hepcat]

The Haitian family down the street are having a cookout and this must be what heaven smells like.

Quick, I need some tips on infiltrating this cookout.

[Daehawk]

Just ask yourself...what would bea arthur do.

[A nonny mouse]

The Haitian family down the street are having a cookout and this must be what heaven smells like.

Quick, I need some tips on infiltrating this cookout.

First you must get a wife . . . .

[hepcat]

The Haitian family down the street are having a cookout and this must be what heaven smells like.

Quick, I need some tips on infiltrating this cookout.

First you must get a wife . . . .

Damn it, Fatima! Even on OO!?!?

Just ask yourself...what would bea arthur do.

Probably ask for brains because…you know…zombie.

[Holman]

Our new neighbors hate raking leaves so much that they cut down all of their remaining trees today. They even took out two huge, beautifully shaped hollies that were at least 50 years old. The hollies were on their northern side, so they didn't throw shade, and they don't drop leaves. There was no reason to kill them except for not liking trees.

Sunny yards are fashionable among the young and I've watched our neighborhood lose many, many old giants over the years. When we bought our house 30+ years ago, mature shade trees were considered an asset. Now they're a nuisance.

I can't understand wanting to kill healthy, living things that started growing before they were born and would have kept on living after they're gone. The first couple of trees that they killed last spring were kind of marginal, and the sycamore was too close to their house, so I understood that (even though sycamores are rare around here).

Well, it's their property and their prerogative. At least I will get some comfort when the leaves from my many trees blow into their yard.

If it helps, everyone in my neighborhood is planting trees. This is made easier because the city will do it for free, putting in one or two "street trees" next to the sidewalk for every lot-owner who requests it. They make sure to use native trees so that the necessary upkeep is minimal, although it's important to water them regularly for the first couple of years.

Plus, having trees adds to real-estate "curb appeal." Your arborphobic neighbors are lowering their own property value.