Random randomness

[ImLawBoy]

Took my mom out for ice cream this afternoon and for the first time in my life, a couple in front of us secretly paid for our ice cream. It wasn’t until we went to pay that we were told it was taken care of. It was a wonderful, unexpected feeling that made me feel so good in the kindness of strangers when I’ve been very a very skeptical and moody, grumpy old man.

Luckily we saw the couple leaving the parking lot and my mom was so happy waving and saying thank you.

The most I’ve ever done is giving someone my cart from Aldi and not accepting their 25 cents. It’s time to step up my game.

I've had people try a couple of times for me and I end up so embarrassed and confused and taken off guard I end up refusing. I then feel bad because I made someone's pay it forward for the day into a hassle.

It hasn't happened in a long time, but I've posted in the past about people paying for stuff for us. They see us with a kid using a wheelchair and feel pity and want to make themselves feel better by doing a big gesture nice thing. The thing is, they don't take into account how it makes the recipient feel. I don't want pity. I prefer understanding. I don't need the money. If you want to donate, find a worthy charity. Paying forward some ice cream isn't a big deal, but don't just pay for something big to give yourself an ego boost. I've had people pay $100 restaurant bills, and once someone paid for my weekly grocery run, which at the time was probably $350-400. It doesn't make me feel better.

[Smoove_B]

I was driving home from the supermarket last night when I caught a flicker of movement from my peripheral vision. I looked down and saw a black snake - about as long as my arm and as thick as my thumb - slithering in the passenger side foot well.

AMA

[ImLawBoy]

I was driving home from the supermarket last night when I caught a flicker of movement from my peripheral vision. I looked down and saw a black snake - about as long as my arm and as thick as my thumb - slithering in the passenger side foot well.

AMA

Did you come to a full stop before bailing out, or just let it roll until it hit something?

Did you ever go back to get your groceries out?

[coopasonic]

Amusing to think that, other than being somewhat surprised I don't think that would really bother me. Now if it was a dime-sized wolf spider I would potentially be bailing out and hoping the car hit something hard enough to catch fire and explode despite knowing it is completely harmless.

[Daehawk]

Whats AMA?

[Jaymann]

Whats AMA?

Ask Me Anything.

[stessier]

Took my mom out for ice cream this afternoon and for the first time in my life, a couple in front of us secretly paid for our ice cream. It wasn’t until we went to pay that we were told it was taken care of. It was a wonderful, unexpected feeling that made me feel so good in the kindness of strangers when I’ve been very a very skeptical and moody, grumpy old man.

Luckily we saw the couple leaving the parking lot and my mom was so happy waving and saying thank you.

The most I’ve ever done is giving someone my cart from Aldi and not accepting their 25 cents. It’s time to step up my game.

I've had people try a couple of times for me and I end up so embarrassed and confused and taken off guard I end up refusing. I then feel bad because I made someone's pay it forward for the day into a hassle.

It hasn't happened in a long time, but I've posted in the past about people paying for stuff for us. They see us with a kid using a wheelchair and feel pity and want to make themselves feel better by doing a big gesture nice thing. The thing is, they don't take into account how it makes the recipient feel. I don't want pity. I prefer understanding. I don't need the money. If you want to donate, find a worthy charity. Paying forward some ice cream isn't a big deal, but don't just pay for something big to give yourself an ego boost. I've had people pay $100 restaurant bills, and once someone paid for my weekly grocery run, which at the time was probably $350-400. It doesn't make me feel better.

I've never done this, so I have no dog in this fight, but I'd just note the famous saying "people are always the hero in their own stories." You said you believe people are doing this out of pity. That is certainly possible. Would you feel differently (more positively) if they were doing it out of some other emotion? If so, could you make a point to just believe that is the reason in the future?

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, just trying to say that since you can't change how other people act towards you (given that it is random), the only thing you have control over is how you react to it, so you might as well find a way to make it be a positive rather than a negative.

[Smoove_B]

Did you come to a full stop before bailing out, or just let it roll until it hit something?

I had no where I could stop (it was a small 2 lane road with no shoulder). That was not helping.

Did you ever go back to get your groceries out?

They were in the trunk and I was pretty sure there wasn't a snake nest there, so that was fine. The car did sit for a good 20 minutes with all doors open before I would get back in to park it.

Amusing to think that, other than being somewhat surprised I don't think that would really bother me. Now if it was a dime-sized wolf spider I would potentially be bailing out and hoping the car hit something hard enough to catch fire and explode despite knowing it is completely harmless.

I have no fear of snakes - I would handle one (like physically pick one up or accept one that was being passed to me) without any problems. However, as it turns out when you're in a situation where you have no control, stress goes off the charts. No control + inside a moving vehicle with no way to stop, also not helpful.

[GreenGoo]

Amusing to think that, other than being somewhat surprised I don't think that would really bother me. Now if it was a dime-sized wolf spider I would potentially be bailing out and hoping the car hit something hard enough to catch fire and explode despite knowing it is completely harmless.

And it would burn forever. 6000 gallons and 3 different fire stations would struggle to put it out.

[GreenGoo]

I've never done this, so I have no dog in this fight, but I'd just note the famous saying "people are always the hero in their own stories." You said you believe people are doing this out of pity. That is certainly possible. Would you feel differently (more positively) if they were doing it out of some other emotion? If so, could you make a point to just believe that is the reason in the future?

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, just trying to say that since you can't change how other people act towards you (given that it is random), the only thing you have control over is how you react to it, so you might as well find a way to make it be a positive rather than a negative.

I'm not big on this, but I can certainly see myself doing and having done similar things. Helping homeless, paying for groceries for someone short of cash, etc.

It's rarely pity. In fact I don't think it has ever been pity. It's two things. I believe I am helping when I do things like this, and I feel incredibly fortunate in my life's circumstances that I feel the need to share and/or spread it around to those less lucky than I am (or who I perceive to be) I will only ever do this anonymously, but I admit I *do* feel good when I do it, so maybe it's all about my feelings after all.

I'm not about to stop (it's not a common thing I do anyway). People can either appreciate it, hate it or somewhere in between. I get what Lawboy is saying, but he's just going to have to live with the kindness of strangers, whatever their motivations are.

[Anonymous Bosch]

I was driving home from the supermarket last night when I caught a flicker of movement from my peripheral vision. I looked down and saw a black snake - about as long as my arm and as thick as my thumb - slithering in the passenger side foot well.

AMA

This site suggests none of the black snakes in New Jersey are venomous, so think of him as a benevolent wilderness companion in your futile efforts against New Jersey filth and pestilence. Because chances are, that snake may well prey upon plenty more vermin than you have with your clumsy human tools and toxins.

[Daehawk]

Ok lets see if i can address some of the posts in order.....

I only buy water in gal jugs now. They are $1 each. Ive never heard of or seen where Walmart or anyone will fill water containers in a store.

I have many CVSs.

No I never use fast food apps. I dont eat out but once per month and dont like them spamming me for that one trip and or free fries or some such.

I dont get the beer every month. Wish I could.

Also haven't used a food delivery in a month.

Im not offended. Im a pretty chill easy going person these days. Not like I used to be.

Ive never once had someone pay it forward with me. Would be nice. Honestly though if it bothers you then pay it forward yourself a couple times to lose that gift

Thanks to all who posted, helped, or tried to help. Plz though dont argue over me or my posts. That hurts to see my OO family and friends get grumpy at each other because of me or my posts.

Yes I use you guys as like one big person to talk to and not necessarily want a reply. I have always had people in my life to talk like this with. But everyone is dead now. So I talk at you guys. If I really want suggestions or help Id ask or say so. You guys are great about helping me though without me asking. I dont expect that, Im just posting to say something and get it off my chest.

Oh..and IF I did pawn something it would either be something I could simply pay out next month or a few months or something Id sell to a pawn and not want back. My wife used pawns a lot of our relationship. Although with her she'd have me pay just enough to keep it in pawn...for months. I never agreed with that and will not do that unless there is NO other way.

Yes next year things really will come around. Ill have HALF my income back Ive lost for 4 years now. Yes Ill still need a few months to replace broken stuff or repair others or get stuff Ive needed all this time. But then it really is free and clear then. In fact Ill be able to save a lot of it so I can do things like have a nest egg for emergencies or broken things, build a newer pc so i can actually play some newer stuff. My cpu, a 2700K is still doing semi good but I think my gtx 970 video card is whats holding me back with only 4 megs of vram. But Im DAMN happy and lucky to have that card.

Lastly I really look forward to being out from under the mortgage so I can help here on OO when people like me are in need. You cant really grasp how unhappy or embarrassed or sad that when you guys take up a donation for someone I cant help or i can only do $5 or $10. I want to help. I hate not helping. Sometimes Im not even included or asked. I get that. And this sounds bad..I feel both disappointed but relieved i wasn't asked. Thats an awful thing to think or feel. And this will be another issue solved next year or so.

[Smoove_B]

This site suggests none of the black snakes in New Jersey are venomous, so think of him as a benevolent wilderness companion in your futile efforts against New Jersey filth and pestilence. Because chances are, that snake may well prey upon plenty more vermin than you have with your clumsy human tools and toxins.

Oh yeah, after I realized it wasn't a black tentacle, I instantly recognized it as a Black racer - part of my brain knew it was completely harmless. The other part of my brain was having a fight/flight reaction as I imagined it moving behind the console and re-emerging at my feet, squirming around and biting at my ankles. I'm actually having a hard time imagining driving a car now and not imagining random snakes at my feet.

To further clarify, I still don't know where the snake went. It crawled up under the dashboard and disappeared.

[Isgrimnur]

Ive never heard of or seen where Walmart or anyone will fill water containers in a store.

Primo

[ImLawBoy]

Took my mom out for ice cream this afternoon and for the first time in my life, a couple in front of us secretly paid for our ice cream. It wasn’t until we went to pay that we were told it was taken care of. It was a wonderful, unexpected feeling that made me feel so good in the kindness of strangers when I’ve been very a very skeptical and moody, grumpy old man.

Luckily we saw the couple leaving the parking lot and my mom was so happy waving and saying thank you.

The most I’ve ever done is giving someone my cart from Aldi and not accepting their 25 cents. It’s time to step up my game.

I've had people try a couple of times for me and I end up so embarrassed and confused and taken off guard I end up refusing. I then feel bad because I made someone's pay it forward for the day into a hassle.

It hasn't happened in a long time, but I've posted in the past about people paying for stuff for us. They see us with a kid using a wheelchair and feel pity and want to make themselves feel better by doing a big gesture nice thing. The thing is, they don't take into account how it makes the recipient feel. I don't want pity. I prefer understanding. I don't need the money. If you want to donate, find a worthy charity. Paying forward some ice cream isn't a big deal, but don't just pay for something big to give yourself an ego boost. I've had people pay $100 restaurant bills, and once someone paid for my weekly grocery run, which at the time was probably $350-400. It doesn't make me feel better.

I've never done this, so I have no dog in this fight, but I'd just note the famous saying "people are always the hero in their own stories." You said you believe people are doing this out of pity. That is certainly possible. Would you feel differently (more positively) if they were doing it out of some other emotion? If so, could you make a point to just believe that is the reason in the future?

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, just trying to say that since you can't change how other people act towards you (given that it is random), the only thing you have control over is how you react to it, so you might as well find a way to make it be a positive rather than a negative.

I can't truly know the soul of another person, but yeah, it's probably pity. When you go out in public enough with a child with significant, visible disabilities, you learn to recognize the looks and gestures - the sad half-smile with the tilted head is the big one.

Regardless, my point is that randomly paying someone for something without knowing whether they need/want assistance - particularly when it's a significant amount - isn't the best way to go. Talk to the person - find out if they need/want assistance. If the person had asked me whether I wanted them to pay for my groceries, for example, I would have suggested that they take that money and donate it to a food bank or the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Chicago or something like that. Their money would have a greater impact that way. The story might not be as good as telling your friends how you randomly paid hundreds of dollars for a stranger's groceries, but if you are truly in it out of a charitable impulse and not just to get your ego stroked, the impact is better.

[dbt1949]

It has been my experience that black racers ,altho not poisonous, are the meanest snakes out there. Everytime I've had an encounter with them (4-6 times) they chased me. Got bit once. Not painful but annoying.

[dbt1949]

Oh, and three times I've had someone pay for my meal at Sonic. I guess I just have that kind of look.

[Daehawk]

This is one of the many non poisonous snakes we have. A rat snake. Ive carried them away from our woodpile or such. Had one get in the house years ago on my fireplace mantle. that was fun removing it without breaking everything on the mantle. He was about as long as I cam tall so about 6'. I picked him up and he wrapped around my arm and i took him out and released him. They are so helpful with rats and mice. Just hope they didn't eat my chipmunks. They look a lot like a diamond back rattlesnake. Which we have also. So gotta watch before grabbing one lol.



I ran over a 2' juvenile black snake the a month or so ago. He ran out in front of my mower. I saw him and had time to stop or turn but like an elderly driver i kinda froze for a sec and kept on course as he ran in front of me and didn't turn . I then hit the gas instead of the break. Thats when I tried to swerve but the front wheel hit him which hurt and made him turn back to me and go under the blades deck, Felt bad for that one. I swear i think he came out of one of the chipmunk holes.

[Sudy]

...

If you guys can listen to him over and over and not feel compelled to "grab him by the collar" - than that's great for you... Personally, I want to help this person - and sometimes I think that a frank discussion like this is actually what they may want/need to hear. I care about Daehawk.

...

I have great trouble reading about Deahawk having no water for over a month, having no food - and then listening to him some other night talk about how he's too buzzed to make sense or is trying to track down sources of questionable CBD or fake THC.... but then may need to pawn his wife's rings in order to feed his dog. If you can sit by and just smile at that - have at it.

I'm not smiling. But if you think you're going to change the mindset of a 50+-year-old man who's struggled similarly for years, good luck. I'm not suggesting a lack of encouragement and suggestions. But shaming comments like "That's a "guy in the gutter" mentality." and "I most certainly wouldn't feel comfortable posting about both things here." are hurtful and unproductive. Yeah, if Daehawk's going to share unwise thought processes he opens himself to ridicule. I'm not trying to police anyone's reactions. It just bothers me because that particular ridicule is senseless.

Anyway, yeah, no offense taken or intended from this end either.

[stessier]

Took my mom out for ice cream this afternoon and for the first time in my life, a couple in front of us secretly paid for our ice cream. It wasn’t until we went to pay that we were told it was taken care of. It was a wonderful, unexpected feeling that made me feel so good in the kindness of strangers when I’ve been very a very skeptical and moody, grumpy old man.

Luckily we saw the couple leaving the parking lot and my mom was so happy waving and saying thank you.

The most I’ve ever done is giving someone my cart from Aldi and not accepting their 25 cents. It’s time to step up my game.

I've had people try a couple of times for me and I end up so embarrassed and confused and taken off guard I end up refusing. I then feel bad because I made someone's pay it forward for the day into a hassle.

It hasn't happened in a long time, but I've posted in the past about people paying for stuff for us. They see us with a kid using a wheelchair and feel pity and want to make themselves feel better by doing a big gesture nice thing. The thing is, they don't take into account how it makes the recipient feel. I don't want pity. I prefer understanding. I don't need the money. If you want to donate, find a worthy charity. Paying forward some ice cream isn't a big deal, but don't just pay for something big to give yourself an ego boost. I've had people pay $100 restaurant bills, and once someone paid for my weekly grocery run, which at the time was probably $350-400. It doesn't make me feel better.

I've never done this, so I have no dog in this fight, but I'd just note the famous saying "people are always the hero in their own stories." You said you believe people are doing this out of pity. That is certainly possible. Would you feel differently (more positively) if they were doing it out of some other emotion? If so, could you make a point to just believe that is the reason in the future?

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, just trying to say that since you can't change how other people act towards you (given that it is random), the only thing you have control over is how you react to it, so you might as well find a way to make it be a positive rather than a negative.

I can't truly know the soul of another person, but yeah, it's probably pity. When you go out in public enough with a child with significant, visible disabilities, you learn to recognize the looks and gestures - the sad half-smile with the tilted head is the big one.

Regardless, my point is that randomly paying someone for something without knowing whether they need/want assistance - particularly when it's a significant amount - isn't the best way to go. Talk to the person - find out if they need/want assistance. If the person had asked me whether I wanted them to pay for my groceries, for example, I would have suggested that they take that money and donate it to a food bank or the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Chicago or something like that. Their money would have a greater impact that way. The story might not be as good as telling your friends how you randomly paid hundreds of dollars for a stranger's groceries, but if you are truly in it out of a charitable impulse and not just to get your ego stroked, the impact is better.

Fair and if you just want to raise awareness in general with your comments, that's fine. But there is a very small chance the next person who does this for you is going to have read your comments, so you are still left with how you react to a stranger's actions. It's your choice whether or not you continue to let these actions make you unhappy, regardless of the intent behind them.

[coopasonic]

Took my mom out for ice cream this afternoon and for the first time in my life, a couple in front of us secretly paid for our ice cream. It wasn’t until we went to pay that we were told it was taken care of. It was a wonderful, unexpected feeling that made me feel so good in the kindness of strangers when I’ve been very a very skeptical and moody, grumpy old man.

Luckily we saw the couple leaving the parking lot and my mom was so happy waving and saying thank you.

The most I’ve ever done is giving someone my cart from Aldi and not accepting their 25 cents. It’s time to step up my game.

I've had people try a couple of times for me and I end up so embarrassed and confused and taken off guard I end up refusing. I then feel bad because I made someone's pay it forward for the day into a hassle.

It hasn't happened in a long time, but I've posted in the past about people paying for stuff for us. They see us with a kid using a wheelchair and feel pity and want to make themselves feel better by doing a big gesture nice thing. The thing is, they don't take into account how it makes the recipient feel. I don't want pity. I prefer understanding. I don't need the money. If you want to donate, find a worthy charity. Paying forward some ice cream isn't a big deal, but don't just pay for something big to give yourself an ego boost. I've had people pay $100 restaurant bills, and once someone paid for my weekly grocery run, which at the time was probably $350-400. It doesn't make me feel better.

I've never done this, so I have no dog in this fight, but I'd just note the famous saying "people are always the hero in their own stories." You said you believe people are doing this out of pity. That is certainly possible. Would you feel differently (more positively) if they were doing it out of some other emotion? If so, could you make a point to just believe that is the reason in the future?

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, just trying to say that since you can't change how other people act towards you (given that it is random), the only thing you have control over is how you react to it, so you might as well find a way to make it be a positive rather than a negative.

I can't truly know the soul of another person, but yeah, it's probably pity. When you go out in public enough with a child with significant, visible disabilities, you learn to recognize the looks and gestures - the sad half-smile with the tilted head is the big one.

Regardless, my point is that randomly paying someone for something without knowing whether they need/want assistance - particularly when it's a significant amount - isn't the best way to go. Talk to the person - find out if they need/want assistance. If the person had asked me whether I wanted them to pay for my groceries, for example, I would have suggested that they take that money and donate it to a food bank or the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Chicago or something like that. Their money would have a greater impact that way. The story might not be as good as telling your friends how you randomly paid hundreds of dollars for a stranger's groceries, but if you are truly in it out of a charitable impulse and not just to get your ego stroked, the impact is better.

I suggest adding some bling to the chair to advertise your station properly. Perhaps spinners and some gold plating?

[LordMortis]

It's your choice whether or not you continue to let these actions make you unhappy, regardless of the intent behind them.

I'm not sure I subscribe to that theory, though I will say you (I?) have a choice whether or not to be mindful of actions making you (me?) unhappy, uncomfortable, etc... and to work on your (my?) own reactions. Essentially, a form of cognitive therapy, I guess. Turning on or off feelings or mental states isn't something like "Oh yeah, I never thought of that, now I get it. I'll do that."

[stessier]

It's your choice whether or not you continue to let these actions make you unhappy, regardless of the intent behind them.

I'm not sure I subscribe to that theory, though I will say you (I?) have a choice whether or not to be mindful of actions making you (me?) unhappy, uncomfortable, etc... and to work on your (my?) own reactions. Essentially, a form of cognitive therapy, I guess. Turning on or off feelings or mental states isn't something like "Oh yeah, I never thought of that, now I get it. I'll do that."

I see that as saying the same thing I said, so I agree.

[ImLawBoy]

Fair and if you just want to raise awareness in general with your comments, that's fine. But there is a very small chance the next person who does this for you is going to have read your comments, so you are still left with how you react to a stranger's actions. It's your choice whether or not you continue to let these actions make you unhappy, regardless of the intent behind them.

People in the thread were talking about "paying it forward" and paying for others. I chimed in to let them know that while it's one thing to do that for something relatively small like paying for ice cream or maybe paying for the next person at the Starbucks drive-thru or something like that, it's another thing when it's something big. I'm urging the people in this thread who are reading this to consider whether it's really the right thing to do to pay for someone's groceries or family dinner out without asking that person if it's OK. I used my personal reactions to such instances as examples of how even a well-intentioned gesture might not be as welcome as one might think.

[Jaymann]

I welcome all gestures wherein I can freeload.

[ImLawBoy]

I welcome all gestures wherein I can freeload.

And if I asked you whether I could pay for your groceries, you could tell me yes and we'd both be happy!

[Smoove_B]

It actually makes me angry when people "brag" about paying it forward on social media - like when they are in a drive-thru and love to talk about how they in group that was 37 people long, all paying it forward. I'm going to suggest the people that need "free" items aren't actually waiting on a line to order something. Instead, it's the people working inside the store helping everyone to feel so good about themselves after buying someone a cup of coffee and a donut. Here I'd always ask why not just give that extra money as a tip to the person working the window instead of paying for the $5 coffee of the guy in an SUV behind you?

Humans are the worst.

[stessier]

It actually makes me angry when people "brag" about paying it forward on social media - like when they are in a drive-thru and love to talk about how they in group that was 37 people long, all paying it forward. I'm going to suggest the people that need "free" items aren't actually waiting on a line to order something. Instead, it's the people working inside the store helping everyone to feel so good about themselves after buying someone a cup of coffee and a donut. Here I'd always ask why not just give that extra money as a tip to the person working the window instead of paying for the $5 coffee of the guy in an SUV behind you?

Humans are the worst.

Daehawk could be in that line.

[Kraken]

Someone once paid for our order at a Dunks drive-through. I never get anything from Dunks so it was just a large iced tea and a bagel for Wife. When the cashier told us, we paid for the car behind us (after making sure it wasn't overflowing with kids, LOL). I think it cost slightly more than Wife's order would have. I'd like to think that the chain kept going until it reached someone who needed the money, but that's not how people generally work.

[Rumpy]

I think it only happened to us once when we were buying coffees. I don't feel so bad when it's a small order, but yeah, I'd feel embarrassed if it were a large one.

Over here, we have a problem with street begging. Individuals will often set themselves up in medians with a sign, and it's grown to be a popular tactic over the years, as there's no way to miss seeing them, especially when stopped at a light. It's sometimes hard to know when people really need it vs needing it for the drug money.

[Blackhawk]

As a poor person who has been the recipient of a random PIF at a drive through, I have to say that I always found it uncomfortable. We'd often be on a very tight budget, and carefully picked what we ordered to ensure that our order, which was undoubtedly a splurge, fell within that budget. If you've got three people and can't afford to break $15, you have to be careful. When the person in front of you pays for yours, the reality is simply that you can't afford to risk paying it forward, as if the next person in line had a $40 order, well - there goes the grocery budget. So you have to sit there, thank the cashier (who wasn't responsible to begin with), and then feel like you got kicked in the groin because you can't pass it along.

[Jaymann]

As a poor person who has been the recipient of a random PIF at a drive through, I have to say that I always found it uncomfortable. We'd often be on a very tight budget, and carefully picked what we ordered to ensure that our order, which was undoubtedly a splurge, fell within that budget. If you've got three people and can't afford to break $15, you have to be careful. When the person in front of you pays for yours, the reality is simply that you can't afford to risk paying it forward, as if the next person in line had a $40 order, well - there goes the grocery budget. So you have to sit there, thank the cashier (who wasn't responsible to begin with), and then feel like you got kicked in the groin because you can't pass it along.

I don't get that. The cashier can't possibly shame you, it was a surprise. And the people behind you have no clue. You think the the cashier will call you an asshole to the next customer?

[Blackhawk]

It wasn't the cashier's reaction, or what the next person would think, it was my reaction. It was seeing people doing awesome stuff for people, and once again being the weak link that breaks the chain due to something beyond my control. See, when I see people doing something I awesome, I want to keep it going. I want to be a part of it.

And kindly don't rationalize it to me - I know that it isn't a reasonable response, that the person who started would be happy that me and my kids got something nice and got a little relief on our grocery budget. But emotional reactions don't always follow reasoning, and I've been the downer too many time for it not to sting.

[Anonymous Bosch]

As a poor person who has been the recipient of a random PIF at a drive through, I have to say that I always found it uncomfortable. We'd often be on a very tight budget, and carefully picked what we ordered to ensure that our order, which was undoubtedly a splurge, fell within that budget. If you've got three people and can't afford to break $15, you have to be careful. When the person in front of you pays for yours, the reality is simply that you can't afford to risk paying it forward, as if the next person in line had a $40 order, well - there goes the grocery budget. So you have to sit there, thank the cashier (who wasn't responsible to begin with), and then feel like you got kicked in the groin because you can't pass it along.

If this leaves you feeling awkward, I'd suggest being honest and upfront with the cashier. Explain that you're incredibly grateful to whomever was kind enough to 'Pay It Forward' for you, as you and your family struggle to survive on a fixed income that requires a strict budget. Explain that you wish you could also participate, but that you cannot afford to risk doing so if the next family in line has an order that exceeds your strictly-limited budget. Who knows, the cashier themselves may continue to 'Pay It Forward' on your behalf using their employee discount or something. But either way, they almost certainly will not think any less of you for expressing your gratitude and regret at not being able to pass along the gesture yourself.

[Blackhawk]

You're rationalizing my reaction. I'm well aware that the cashier doesn't care and won't remember in ten minutes, and I'm well aware that neither the person in front of me, nor the person behind me will ever know.

And I'm not presenting my sob story to random cashiers for a multitude of reasons.

[Daehawk]

I think it only happened to us once when we were buying coffees. I don't feel so bad when it's a small order, but yeah, I'd feel embarrassed if it were a large one.

Over here, we have a problem with street begging. Individuals will often set themselves up in medians with a sign, and it's grown to be a popular tactic over the years, as there's no way to miss seeing them, especially when stopped at a light. It's sometimes hard to know when people really need it vs needing it for the drug money.

They started that here years ago..like maybe 2000 or so. And over time they just kept multiplying. you stop at a light or stop sign and there would be one...satving help, veteran plz help.....all kinds. I admit to giving one money once. Then I saw an investigative report of a few that would stand out there then get in thier car and go back to their nice home at the end of the day. I stopped worrying then though i get a pang of guilt / worry about them.

But as my wife said you dont know what they use the money for..anything..drugs, cigs, whatever. Some Im sure are food but not most. She said people should never give them money but offer them food or a gift card or better yet offer them work..yard or whatever. Ive seen video of some offered a days work for food or such and them decline.

[Rumpy]

They started that here years ago..like maybe 2000 or so. And over time they just kept multiplying. you stop at a light or stop sign and there would be one...satving help, veteran plz help.....all kinds. I admit to giving one money once. Then I saw an investigative report of a few that would stand out there then get in thier car and go back to their nice home at the end of the day. I stopped worrying then though i get a pang of guilt / worry about them.

We give them money a few times a year. Some of them are genuinely asking for help for simply getting by, such as coffee and lunch money. And I don't see them being the type to own much of anything, a car no less. There's lots of homelessness out here.

[Daehawk]

I was looking at my Newegg reviews. Ive been a member there for 21 years! Since 2002. Makes me sad my order history will only go back to 2013. I LOVE to see all the stuff Ive gotten there over the years and the prices. Its really fun to look back.

[Blackhawk]

Some will use the money for drugs or alcohol, while others are genuinely stranded and need help (although we never had a sign, I've been in the 'genuinely stranded' category, along with my father, as a kid. Multiple times, including about six months in Denver through the middle of summer in '90. It took as that long to scrape up enough to get the transmission on our car working and get enough gas to finish the move to Indiana.

They started that here years ago..like maybe 2000 or so. And over time they just kept multiplying. you stop at a light or stop sign and there would be one...satving help, veteran plz help.....all kinds. I admit to giving one money once. Then I saw an investigative report of a few that would stand out there then get in thier car and go back to their nice home at the end of the day. I stopped worrying then though i get a pang of guilt / worry about them.

We give them money a few times a year. Some of them are genuinely asking for help for simply getting by, such as coffee and lunch money. And I don't see them being the type to own much of anything, a car no less. There's lots of homelessness out here.

FWIW, I've seen what he's talking about. It isn't all of them. It isn't most of them. But there are a few, complete with the dirtiest faces, the scraggliest hair, and saddest looks, who sit there with their cardboard sign, asking for help. Then, once the traffic dies down, they get up, walk into the middle of the parking lot, get in a nice car, and drive home. Some of them have said that they can make significantly more money that way than they can with a minimum wage job.

But not even close to all.

[LordMortis]

First foray into the self hair cut. Not 100% failure. Also you never know how much you are balding until you have two mirrors so you can see the back of your head. Wait, does this constitute a medical complaint?