Top 10 Annoyances of a Piano Tuner

[paulbaxter]

In the spirit of Festivus, I'm going to be counting down each day the 10 biggest annoyances I run into as a piano tuner, starting with the least annoying.

10. Messy home/lots of things stored on top of the piano.

I'm not really one to judge on this. It's rare that a home is disorganized to the point that it actually bothers me, but I have run into the occasional hoarder home. And all the stuff I have to move off the piano before I can start can certainly add a few minutes onto my visit. Usually I send people a reminder beforehand to just remove those items before I arrive.

9. Televisions.

Some people watch TV in the next room, or they have an open floor plan. This is at number 9 just because it actually doesn't interfere TOO much with my work if it's at a reasonable volume. If it isn't, I'll just ask people to turn it down.

8. Pets.

Really most pets are not a problem at all. Cats are typically very quiet by nature. I think I had exactly one customer cat who was just a little too sociable and wanted to jump on the piano while I was working, but otherwise zero problems with cats.

Dogs, on the other hand, can certainly be very excitable for a variety of reasons, and a dog that barks a LOT is very difficult to work around. Even worse, though, is a pet bird that gets squawky. The pitches that birds make are often very close to the higher notes on a piano, and often loud as well.

I've also occasionally had problem with fish. The fish themselves of course present no challenge, but aquarium motors emit a constant hum that is problematic when in close proximity to the piano I'm working on.

7. HVAC systems.

These can vary all over the place for my work. Some of them come on loud enough to be a particular distraction. I've had at least one customer where it was really VERY loud. But in addition to affecting hearing, the big problem is when a piano is located too close to any sort of forced air outlet, even including air return vents. These can very dramatically change the moisture content of the wood in the piano, in turn causing both changes in the tuning and warping of any of the wooden parts of the piano, which would be the cast majority of it. The worst I saw was with a customer whose piano had been placed directly on top of a heat register for who knows how long. The joint where the keyboard frame attached to the rest of the piano came completely apart on the one side, so that I could simply move the whole keyboard up and down several inches with my hand. That one was well beyond my repair skills.

6. Hardwood floors with open floor plans.

This one is interesting in that it isn't noisy or distracting on its own, but it makes EVERY SINGLE THING in the house much LOUDER. I'm apparently the only person in the US who really likes carpets. They provide great noise reduction, and they're warm and cozy to walk on. I've been in homes with miles of hardwoods, and just a quiet conversation at the other end of the house is like having Gilbert Gottfried trying to drill into my skull.

5. Appliances. Washers, dryers, dishwashers, refrigerators. All of these are motor driven, and all of them can make it difficult for me to work if they are loud enough and close enough for me to hear. The real problem here is that all of these are "white noise" to the homeowner. They are so frequent as to be completely tuned out. Unfortunately for me, I have to hear specific pitches very carefully, and that "background" noise is a real problem. Often these items are far enough away or quiet enough to not be a serious problem, but just as often they are, and I've occasionally asked someone if they could turn off their washer or dryer so that I could work. A couple of the most distracting on specific appointments have been refrigerators that were VERY close to the piano, and a computer fan in the same room on a couple of occasions.

4. Ceiling fans.

Only applies when they are in the same room as the piano, and I don't even know why they make things so difficult. Something about how they rhythmically break up the sound waves in the room. Some of the other things on this list I'll just work around when I have to, but if I see a ceiling fan going above a piano I either request it to be turned off or turn it off myself immediately.

3. Loud People.

This one isn't frequent, but makes up for that in terms of annoyance level. Mild to moderate level conversation at a fair distance isn't a problem. But people actually talking loudly nearby really is. In addition to making it difficult to hear the very quiet vibrations that I need to focus on, it's just plain distracting, not to mention rude. I always remember the worst version of this I ran into. The customer's piano was in their (fairly large) living room, and while I was there to work on it, they had about 5 guests over to socialize in the same room. I'm not a violent man, but I really wanted to shoot all of them. I did need to reschedule one appointment due to a couple of screaming toddlers inhabiting the same room.

2. Handwashed Dishes.

Perhaps the biggest surprise on the list. The clinks made by the dishes, in addition to the noise of the water running, gets into the exact frequencies that I need to hear in order to tune a piano. If this was a more common occurrence, this would be my clear number one. It simply becomes IMPOSSIBLE to work if someone is washing dishes anywhere nearby while I'm working.

Some honorable mentions in no particular order.

Grandfather clocks. They're certainly loud enough that I have to stop and wait until they finish chiming. Fortunately I don't see them too much anymore.

Road noise. Can be a challenge, and if I'd thought of it earlier, this might have bumped something else off the list.

Poor environmental control. Pianos are VERY sensitive to changes in temperature and humidity. Most modern homes are pretty well insulated, but some people love to open their windows, or some institutions, like churches, like to turn the heat off when the building isn't in use. You do you, but know that it's very bad for the piano.

Poor lighting. Barely worth mentioning. A very mild annoyance. If I can see where I need to put my tools, I'm good. But once in a while even that much lighting is absent.

Pianos in poor mechanical condition. I lump this together with the next one...

Pianos that are VERY out of tune. Both of these two are common enough, and both make my work harder, but that's really just part of the work, so I can't really complain about it. It would be like an auto mechanic complaining about cars that are in bad shape or manufacturers that make substandard cars. It's a pain, but that's the job.

and finally,

1. Lawnmowers and leaf blowers.

I hate both of these so much. I've lots of customers who contract this out and honestly have no idea when their lawn will get serviced, and that's understandable, but it doesn't change the fact that it makes it pretty much impossible for me to do my work well. But customers who decide to fire up Satan's lawn tools on their own while I'm there really can get my ire up. I've walked out on exactly two jobs. One where a customer fired up their lawnmower again after I'd explicitly made it clear that I wouldn't be able to work with it running (it was a VERY loud mower). The other one was when a church custodian decided that he needed to bring in a leaf blower to blow the dust out of the piano WHILE I was tuning it.

[Exodor]

We have a piano in desperate need of tuning so I'm going to pay extra attention to this thread so I can prepare for the visit properly.

Or know how to really annoy the tuner.

[El Guapo]

So what's #9?

edit: I see, "each day".

[Jaymann]

Never underestimate the virtuosity of hoarder piano maestros.

[paulbaxter]

So what's #9?

edit: I see, "each day".

People who ask me dumb questions.

JK. Building the anticipation.

[stessier]

Need the time to fine tune your message?

[Skinypupy]

This is definitely in the running for the "Most Completely Random Thread Topic Ever Created" award.

[paulbaxter]

This is definitely in the running for the "Most Completely Random Thread Topic Ever Created" award.

I wonder what the most random possible award would be for it.

[hepcat]

Who tunes the tuner?

[Daehawk]

You should see my piano. It was here when I moved here with my wife. Its hers and she played on it when I first met her. But now its just covered up in stuff...boxes, shoes, clothes pictures, lamp..you name it...then theres the floor problem..that piano is heavy and its not helping the water damaged floors sinking...the piano is at an angle now. If I had a level I could tell you how much...but just looking at it you can see the right side is a lot lower than the left. And it sit just outside this room's door on the left. I pass it all the time. I give that area a wide birth..as much as I can..I cant move it myself its too heavy....and if I tried Im afraid Id end up in my crawl space piano and all..

Lemme get a pic......Id say the right is a good inch or two lower than the left side.

EDIT: well I took a pic but I have no way to get it from my new phone to my old pc. My old phone was micro usb...this new one is USB C..and my old as pc only has USB 2.0...I have a cable that is one end USB and the other micro USB...oh well

[Jaymann]

Uneven pianos has to be somewhere on the list.

[Kraken]

If Dae gets his piano tuned in spite of all that, he wins the No. 1 annoyance.

[paulbaxter]

You should see my piano. It was here when I moved here with my wife. Its hers and she played on it when I first met her. But now its just covered up in stuff...boxes, shoes, clothes pictures, lamp..you name it...then theres the floor problem..that piano is heavy and its not helping the water damaged floors sinking...the piano is at an angle now. If I had a level I could tell you how much...but just looking at it you can see the right side is a lot lower than the left. And it sit just outside this room's door on the left. I pass it all the time. I give that area a wide birth..as much as I can..I cant move it myself its too heavy....and if I tried Im afraid Id end up in my crawl space piano and all..

Lemme get a pic......Id say the right is a good inch or two lower than the left side.

EDIT: well I took a pic but I have no way to get it from my new phone to my old pc. My old phone was micro usb...this new one is USB C..and my old as pc only has USB 2.0...I have a cable that is one end USB and the other micro USB...oh well

Changing floor angles will definitely affect the tuning, although as long as it stays in the same position, it shouldn't create any additional problems.

I had a customer this week whose piano was sitting on some really squishy linoleum in their kitchen. I had to pull it away from the wall just a bit, which was challenging since the wheels were about a half inch deep in that floor.

[TheMix]

EDIT: well I took a pic but I have no way to get it from my new phone to my old pc. My old phone was micro usb...this new one is USB C..and my old as pc only has USB 2.0...I have a cable that is one end USB and the other micro USB...oh well

Your phone should have email. Send an email to yourself with the picture attached. Then open the email on the computer. It may even be possible to send a text to your email. Not sure. I just always use the first method.

[stessier]

Could also just upload it to imgur directly from the phone.

[Carpet_pissr]

If "Flaming Pianos" doesn't make the list, I am going to be disappointed.

[Jaymann]

What about kilos of heroin stashed in the piano?

[Kraken]

Did I miss annoyance #9? I thought this was an advent calendar.

[Hipolito]

Did I miss annoyance #9? I thought this was an advent calendar.

He's listing them in the OP.

P.S.: you won't believe annoyance #5!

[Unagi]

Could also just upload it to imgur directly from the phone.

Yea, I was going to type this too.

"If only there was a place you could store a picture, and get it later from another device...."

[Kraken]

Did I miss annoyance #9? I thought this was an advent calendar.

He's listing them in the OP.

P.S.: you won't believe annoyance #5!

Thanks, I missed that.

[Holman]

We inherited an old piano and attempted to have it tuned.

Apparently it was too old for service. The tuner did her best, but even I could recognize the sound of strings snapping as she attempted to bring them back into tune.

[disarm]

Piano tuning question...

Do you still tune by ear, or has modern technology taken over and you use a digital tuner now?
I can remember a guy coming to our house when I was a kid and tuning our piano with a set of tuning forks...cool talent and definitely works, but I wonder if technology has largely left that level of skill in the past.

[paulbaxter]

Piano tuning question...

Do you still tune by ear, or has modern technology taken over and you use a digital tuner now?
I can remember a guy coming to our house when I was a kid and tuning our piano with a set of tuning forks...cool talent and definitely works, but I wonder if technology has largely left that level of skill in the past.

I tuned by ear with a tuning fork for reference for the first 12 years, but I have an app now that's very easy to use, and honestly results in much better accuracy.

[Anonymous Bosch]

EDIT: well I took a pic but I have no way to get it from my new phone to my old pc. My old phone was micro usb...this new one is USB C..and my old as pc only has USB 2.0...I have a cable that is one end USB and the other micro USB...oh well

Your phone should have email. Send an email to yourself with the picture attached. Then open the email on the computer. It may even be possible to send a text to your email. Not sure. I just always use the first method.

For an even better experience, consider using a free and user-friendly Magic Wormhole client like Destiny. This cross-platform graphical client greatly simplifies file sharing across different devices on your local network.

[Jeff V]

I think I want to hire you to tune my piano. It hasn't been since we acquired it moving day 2017. To my tin ears, it sounds fine, but my son is taking lessons and playing it seriously.

We have dogs.
We have cats.
The house is a perpetual mess because of both.

[Zarathud]

On the up side, you can add JeffV to your List.

[paulbaxter]

On the up side, you can add JeffV to your List.

Ha!

[Jeff V]

I have a fish tank on my piano, I hope it's not a deal breaker. It has a single, oversized African fish, I hope it won't be much of a bother.

[jztemple2]

I've also occasionally had problem with fish. The fish themselves of course present no challenge, but aquarium motors emit a constant hum that is problematic when in close proximity to the piano I'm working on.

So you can tune a piano but you can't tune out a fish?

[El Guapo]

I feel like "Top 10 Annoyances of a Piano Tuner" would be a great title for an indie film.

[Holman]

I had a buddy who did amateur woodworking. He would scour Craigslist etc for people getting rid of old defunct pianos (usually for free, just to get it out of their house) just so that he could disassemble them for the often high-quality wood.

He would make a point of saying "tell me nothing about the keys, just the wood." It's illegal to sell (or, apparently, take possession of) a piano with actual ivory keys.

[paulbaxter]

I had a buddy who did amateur woodworking. He would scour Craigslist etc for people getting rid of old defunct pianos (usually for free, just to get it out of their house) just so that he could disassemble them for the often high-quality wood.

He would make a point of saying "tell me nothing about the keys, just the wood." It's illegal to sell (or, apparently, take possession of) a piano with actual ivory keys.

It's not illegal to buy/sell/move existing ivory items that were imported into the US before 1990, which would be pretty much all piano keys. I just looked over this topic, since you brought it up. It appears that the law is administered by the dept of Fish and Wildlife. It would certainly be wild if they came after people with old pianos. I think it's been a VERY long time since piano manufacturers used ivory keytops. It looks like Steinway stopped in the mid 50's and around the world everyone stopped by the mid 80's. Modern plastics are better in nearly every conceivable way for piano keys. I think lots of people in the piano repair business will keep a stash of ivory keytops that they can salvage for the purposes of replacing broken ivory. I don't myself, but I don't do a whole ton of major repair stuff, since it's been a part time gig for me.

[Holman]

I had a buddy who did amateur woodworking. He would scour Craigslist etc for people getting rid of old defunct pianos (usually for free, just to get it out of their house) just so that he could disassemble them for the often high-quality wood.

He would make a point of saying "tell me nothing about the keys, just the wood." It's illegal to sell (or, apparently, take possession of) a piano with actual ivory keys.

It's not illegal to buy/sell/move existing ivory items that were imported into the US before 1990, which would be pretty much all piano keys. I just looked over this topic, since you brought it up. It appears that the law is administered by the dept of Fish and Wildlife. It would certainly be wild if they came after people with old pianos. I think it's been a VERY long time since piano manufacturers used ivory keytops. It looks like Steinway stopped in the mid 50's and around the world everyone stopped by the mid 80's. Modern plastics are better in nearly every conceivable way for piano keys. I think lots of people in the piano repair business will keep a stash of ivory keytops that they can salvage for the purposes of replacing broken ivory. I don't myself, but I don't do a whole ton of major repair stuff, since it's been a part time gig for me.

Thanks. That makes sense.

My buddy's piano-gathering activity was in the early 2000s, so it was perhaps not so easy or convenient to look up laws around piano ivory at the time.

[Blackhawk]

I feel like "Top 10 Annoyances of a Piano Tuner" would be a great title for an indie film.

It's a name that can go anywhere - it could easily be a RomCom, a drama, or a horror film (depending on just how annoyed the tuner was.)

[Jeff V]

I feel like "Top 10 Annoyances of a Piano Tuner" would be a great title for an indie film.

It's a name that can go anywhere - it could easily be a RomCom, a drama, or a horror film (depending on just how annoyed the tuner was.)

Anyone see 3...Extremes? I go with sexy horror movie.

[paulbaxter]

Number 2 may actually surprise you.

[El Guapo]

I bet #1 is going to be lonely housewives trying to seduce him while he is working.

[paulbaxter]

I bet #1 is going to be lonely housewives trying to seduce him while he is working.

I remember that thought running through my head when I first started tuning. 25 years later and it still hasn't happened.

[El Guapo]

I bet #1 is going to be lonely housewives trying to seduce him while he is working.

I remember that thought running through my head when I first started tuning. 25 years later and it still hasn't happened.

Maybe today is the day.