Octopus Overlords

Isgrimnur wrote:Then you've made the decision. There are no soulmates. It sounds like you would be miserable trying to set up a new life, have plenty of reasons to stay where you are, and you guys aren't that committed to each other.

She is. I think. She was ready to move here we talked about it and it was fine and now she wants me to commit to the same things she comitted for me before.

If it was a 2 years relationship with some cohabitation experience I would be less worried but it's stil a very fresh relationship. Anything can happen.

El Guapo wrote:

Vorret wrote:

LawBeefaroni wrote:

Cortilian wrote:
IMHO 6 months of exclusive dating is enough time for adults to figure out if it they are the marrying type. If you think she is the one, get hitched, and move away. If not, cut bait, and look for the right one.

This isn't a marrying thing. This is a moving in together thing. Commitment, yes. Marriage, not yet.


Your friends will still be your friends if you move. If it doesn't work out and you move back, they'll be there for you. The big question is the job/finances. Will quitting and moving be a big problem? When my girlfriend of around 6 months wanted me to pick up and move >4 hours away for her career, I worked in very portable jobs (a line cook and server) and the new apartment cost the same. It was a no brainer. We were not the marrying types at all (about 2 years later, I got down on my knees, gave her a ring, and asked her not to marry me, much to her delight).

Eventually we did get married, despite all our plans not to.

It'll be much more expensive for sure, very close to Montreal instead of a small-ish town an hour away from the big city centers. Also I've been at the same job for 12 years, finding something similar will be a pain as I technically don't have any diplomas (though I do work in an IT related job).

I know my friends will still be there that's a no brainer but my niece, my mom (who lives alone and doesn't own a car and relies on me to do groceries and other little things around town) all live there as well.

Blerh. For some reason I can only find reason NOT to go, other than her there's not a single appealing thing in moving away from here, not one. I love my town and everything that comes with it

DUDE. Move to Montreal! Drummondville must be amazing and all...but...Montreal!

Related question: have you lived in a big city before?

It's close, though, right? Live downtown and commute out.

To be fair, now I'm talking about how fantastic it is to live in a city, not so much about your relationship quandary...

El Guapo wrote:

El Guapo wrote:

Vorret wrote:

LawBeefaroni wrote:

Cortilian wrote:
IMHO 6 months of exclusive dating is enough time for adults to figure out if it they are the marrying type. If you think she is the one, get hitched, and move away. If not, cut bait, and look for the right one.

This isn't a marrying thing. This is a moving in together thing. Commitment, yes. Marriage, not yet.


Your friends will still be your friends if you move. If it doesn't work out and you move back, they'll be there for you. The big question is the job/finances. Will quitting and moving be a big problem? When my girlfriend of around 6 months wanted me to pick up and move >4 hours away for her career, I worked in very portable jobs (a line cook and server) and the new apartment cost the same. It was a no brainer. We were not the marrying types at all (

about 2 years later, I got down on my knees, gave her a ring, and asked her not to marry me, much to her delight).

Eventually we did get married, despite all our plans not to.

It'll be much more expensive for sure, very close to Montreal instead of a small-ish town an hour away from the big city centers. Also I've been at the same job for 12 years, finding something similar will be a pain as I technically don't have any diplomas (though I do work in an IT related job).

I know my friends will still be there that's a no brainer but my niece, my mom (who lives alone and doesn't own a car and relies on me to do groceries and other little things around town) all live there as well.

Blerh. For some reason I can only find reason NOT to go, other than her there's not a single appealing thing in moving away from here, not one. I love my town and everything that comes with it

DUDE. Move to Montreal! Drummondville must be amazing and all...but...Montreal!

Related question: have you lived in a big city before?

It's close, though, right? Live downtown and commute out.

To be fair, now I'm talking about how fantastic it is to live in a city, not so much about your relationship quandary...

It is close. But I'm not far either if you discount traffic.

Vorret wrote:

El Guapo wrote:

El Guapo wrote:

Vorret wrote:

LawBeefaroni wrote:

Cortilian wrote:
IMHO 6 months of exclusive dating is enough time for adults to figure out if it they are the marrying type. If you think she is the one, get hitched, and move away. If not, cut bait, and look for the right one.

This isn't a marrying thing. This is a moving in together thing. Commitment, yes. Marriage, not yet.


Your friends will still be your friends if you move. If it doesn't work out and you move back, they'll be there for you. The big question is the job/finances. Will quitting and moving be a big problem? When my girlfriend of around 6 months wanted me to pick up and move >4 hours away for her career, I worked in very portable jobs (a line cook and server) and the new apartment cost the same. It was a no brainer. We were not the marrying types at all (

about 2 years later, I got down on my knees, gave her a ring, and asked her not to marry me, much to her delight).

Eventually we did get married, despite all our plans not to.

It'll be much more expensive for sure, very close to Montreal instead of a small-ish town an hour away from the big city centers. Also I've been at the same job for 12 years, finding something similar will be a pain as I technically don't have any diplomas (though I do work in an IT related job).

I know my friends will still be there that's a no brainer but my niece, my mom (who lives alone and doesn't own a car and relies on me to do groceries and other little things around town) all live there as well.

Blerh. For some reason I can only find reason NOT to go, other than her there's not a single appealing thing in moving away from here, not one. I love my town and everything that comes with it

DUDE. Move to Montreal! Drummondville must be amazing and all...but...Montreal!

Related question: have you lived in a big city before?

It's close, though, right? Live downtown and commute out.

To be fair, now I'm talking about how fantastic it is to live in a city, not so much about your relationship quandary...

It is close. But I'm not far either if you discount traffic.

If you discount something that has been and will continue to exist?

Isgrimnur wrote:Then you've made the decision. There are no soulmates. It sounds like you would be miserable trying to set up a new life, have plenty of reasons to stay where you are, and you guys aren't that committed to each other.

Might she come back after her training ends? She's the one who wants to make a major change, so the burden of accommodation should be on her, assuming that you're both committed to remaining a couple. Commuter relationships can work if they're for a defined period of time with a clear endgame.

If her attitude is "I'm going and you can follow along or we break up," then I'd break up.

Kraken wrote:

Isgrimnur wrote:Then you've made the decision. There are no soulmates. It sounds like you would be miserable trying to set up a new life, have plenty of reasons to stay where you are, and you guys aren't that committed to each other.

Might she come back after her training ends? She's the one who wants to make a major change, so the burden of accommodation should be on her, assuming that you're both committed to remaining a couple. Commuter relationships can work if they're for a defined period of time with a clear endgame.

If her attitude is "I'm going and you can follow along or we break up," then I'd break up.

Training last a year... means we'll see each other even less than now. She already told me she won't say not to her dream job if it ends up being far away. It could be quebec city and there's no way I'm moving there.

If I loved her, I'm the person who would go and figure it out. But Isgrimnur is right -

Isgrimnur wrote:Then you've made the decision. There are no soulmates. It sounds like you would be miserable trying to set up a new life, have plenty of reasons to stay where you are, and you guys aren't that committed to each other.

Breaking up is not the end of the world - you will find someone else you can be happy with.

Vorret wrote:Dating problem !

I've been with my girlfriend for a wee bit over 6 months now and so far things were going great other than the fact that we don't see each other that often - She lives about an hour away and our work/school schedule don't match too well so she comes over one night on the week and I go over on Saturday and leave on Sunday morning since she has to work.

Now she's studying in the medical field and will soon need to start some training course and one of the place she likes the most if far. Not China far but far enough that if I wanted to stay with her I'd have to move, change job, I'd be far enough that seeing my friends would be a bit of a problem (over 4 hours back and forth).

Why not commit to try to making it work at that distance for a while? Plan to talk on the phone (or write letters) frequently and to visit once a month. Visits would be less frequent than now, but they wouldn't be nothing, and they would be less disruptive than uprooting your whole life for something you're clearly not sure about.

Six months out, if the 4-hour trips don't really seem worth the hassle, you'll have your answer. But if you miss her and think about her every day and feel like planning to make it happen, you'll have your other answer.

Holman wrote:

Vorret wrote:Dating problem !

I've been with my girlfriend for a wee bit over 6 months now and so far things were going great other than the fact that we don't see each other that often - She lives about an hour away and our work/school schedule don't match too well so she comes over one night on the week and I go over on Saturday and leave on Sunday morning since she has to work.

Now she's studying in the medical field and will soon need to start some training course and one of the place she likes the most if far. Not China far but far enough that if I wanted to stay with her I'd have to move, change job, I'd be far enough that seeing my friends would be a bit of a problem (over 4 hours back and forth).

Why not commit to try to making it work at that distance for a while? Plan to talk on the phone (or write letters) frequently and to visit once a month. Visits would be less frequent than now, but they wouldn't be nothing, and they would be less disruptive than uprooting your whole life for something you're clearly not sure about.

Six months out, if the 4-hour trips don't really seem worth the hassle, you'll have your answer. But if you miss her and think about her every day and feel like planning to make it happen, you'll have your other answer.

I'm already slightly annoyed at all the driving around and the fact that we're barely ever together.

There's also right now the fact that she's cold, we haven't really talked at all since last night and our exchanges were very casual. I'm wondering if we can even recover from that if I were to change my mind on the whole ordeal.

Vorret wrote:

Holman wrote:

Vorret wrote:Dating problem !

I've been with my girlfriend for a wee bit over 6 months now and so far things were going great other than the fact that we don't see each other that often - She lives about an hour away and our work/school schedule don't match too well so she comes over one night on the week and I go over on Saturday and leave on Sunday morning since she has to work.

Now she's studying in the medical field and will soon need to start some training course and one of the place she likes the most if far. Not China far but far enough that if I wanted to stay with her I'd have to move, change job, I'd be far enough that seeing my friends would be a bit of a problem (over 4 hours back and forth).

Why not commit to try to making it work at that distance for a while? Plan to talk on the phone (or write letters) frequently and to visit once a month. Visits would be less frequent than now, but they wouldn't be nothing, and they would be less disruptive than uprooting your whole life for something you're clearly not sure about.

Six months out, if the 4-hour trips don't really seem worth the hassle, you'll have your answer. But if you miss her and think about her every day and feel like planning to make it happen, you'll have your other answer.

I'm already slightly annoyed at all the driving around and the fact that we're barely ever together.

There's also right now the fact that she's cold, we haven't really talked at all since last night and our exchanges were very casual. I'm wondering if we can even recover from that if I were to change my mind on the whole ordeal.

You don't come across as all that invested in the relationship. It's obviously hard to divine tone over a forum, but it doesn't seem like you care all that much whether the relationship ends. Which is kind of a more significant issue than geography.

She kinda didn't sound all that destroyed by his hesitation either. I almost read that part as her seeing that this was NOT a long term relationship and she was going to force that point to the surface.

I got my second Ace in disc golf on Monday. It was on the first hole I played of 36. Luckily a non-playing friend decided to join me last minute so there was a whiteness. It was my second after 9 or 10 years of playing. My first was in september. This time the whole way to the basket I was mumbling about how it was going to turn over last minute. Then when it hit and stuck I was shocked. It is pretty cool to be able to watch your disc fly all the way to the basket.

miltonite wrote:I got my second Ace in disc golf on Monday. It was on the first hole I played of 36. Luckily a non-playing friend decided to join me last minute so there was a whiteness. It was my second after 9 or 10 years of playing. My first was in september. This time the whole way to the basket I was mumbling about how it was going to turn over last minute. Then when it hit and stuck I was shocked. It is pretty cool to be able to watch your disc fly all the way to the basket.

I take it your friend is Caucasian?

Jaymann wrote:

miltonite wrote:I got my second Ace in disc golf on Monday. It was on the first hole I played of 36. Luckily a non-playing friend decided to join me last minute so there was a whiteness. It was my second after 9 or 10 years of playing. My first was in september. This time the whole way to the basket I was mumbling about how it was going to turn over last minute. Then when it hit and stuck I was shocked. It is pretty cool to be able to watch your disc fly all the way to the basket.

I take it your friend is Caucasian?

Without a whiteness, it never happened!

Winter is coming.

miltonite wrote:I got my second Ace in disc golf on Monday. It was on the first hole I played of 36. Luckily a non-playing friend decided to join me last minute so there was a whiteness. It was my second after 9 or 10 years of playing. My first was in september. This time the whole way to the basket I was mumbling about how it was going to turn over last minute. Then when it hit and stuck I was shocked. It is pretty cool to be able to watch your disc fly all the way to the basket.

I've gotten a few over the years. The most frustrating shot I ever had flew straight into the side of the basket and wedged itself there. Because it didn't actually land in the basket it doesn't count as an ace. Although, maybe that was the second most frustrating because I also had one hit the basket, fall out, and roll back down the hill about 200 feet, right past the tee box I where I was still standing.

Aaaaaaaveeery Jenkinsssssssss!!!

Wow, next year marks my 20th year I've been a customer with Amazon.

The most inventive non-sex use of a sexual enhancement device (kinda NSFW)

kinda !?

Not kinda.

Mrs Skinypupy blew up at me last night because she says I'm "forcing her" to make all the design decisions when it comes to finishing the basement, and it's stressing her out. It's all the little design decisions, such as what color of paint, what sort of trim, what type of bathroom fixtures, etc.

I'm trying to explain that the reason I'm letting her make all these decisions is because I honestly do not care. I have never spent even a nanosecond thinking "Gosh, I sure wish we had brushed nickel instead of stainless steel faucets". As long as it works, I could give two shits what it looks like. On the other hand, it would drive her nuts every time she walked in the room if I had decided on brushed nickel and she really wanted stainless steel. To avoid such issues, I have simply deferred to her on all the decisions to ensure she has something she's happy with. My only requirement is that it's functional.

Guess I need to start evaluating my stance on what style of baseboard trim most matches my personality.

Just give your input, argue for a second, and make sure she wins.

Blackhawk wrote:Just give your input, argue for a second, and make sure she wins.

That looks cool. Oh you don't like it. No, that's nice too, I just like the simpler style of the other one.

Is that too green? Maybe something a little more blue would look better? Yeah, I guess the *whatever the hell the stupid color name is* is ok.

She can't know you don't care!

Blackhawk wrote:Just give your input, argue for a second, and make sure she wins.

Also if you win by accident while not trying, she deserves what she got for making you participate.

Extra points if you can reference something else in the house. "Oh, those vanity knobs remind me of the drawer pulls in the master bathroom. Was that intentional?"

I can do it, but not without sounding sarcastic...which is why I get in trouble.

I actually care. One of my many faults.

Smoove_B wrote:I can do it, but not without sounding sarcastic...which is why I get in trouble.

If I show interest in anything that isn't childish in her mind (board games, video games, superhero movies/shows/comics) I am being sarcastic (in her defense she is usually right). My 6 year old can really ruin it when he says, "Mommy, I like your shoes."

stessier wrote:I actually care. One of my many faults.

I actually care too... "Which one is cheaper?"

coopasonic wrote:"Which one is cheaper?"

That one is waaaaaay down the list. I also actively helped plan my wedding which amazed her friends to no end.

coopasonic wrote:
Also if you win by accident while not trying, she deserves what she got for making you participate.

You do this by suggesting things so awful that she's guaranteed to argue. "I think lime green paint and purple trim. It's so unique!"

Blackhawk wrote:

coopasonic wrote:
Also if you win by accident while not trying, she deserves what she got for making you participate.

You do this by suggesting things so awful that she's guaranteed to argue. "I think lime green paint and purple trim. It's so unique!"

That is how you end up with a Barney themed basement.

stessier wrote:I actually care. One of my many faults.

You inhuman monster.

The youth volleyball team I coach plays in a power league where the same group of teams plays over the course of 4 separate week ends. Each time we are seeded based on our results from the previous session. The first one - last time - we beat the tar out of everyone we played. Tomorrow we play against 4 other teams that had similar results. The difference between us and them is that my best player, who is my setter and by far the best one in the power league, has mono and is out; my best middle has a strained hip and is out, my best libero is my back up setter so she will be filling that role while my number 2 libero's mother just emailed that she has stomach flu and is at best 40/60 for tomorrow. All of which means I'll be putting the 6 remaining players on the floor for every point. We are going to get smoked if that happens. My remaining middles are not ready to play back row - they are making progress and given another couple months I'll be fine doing that but not right now. My outsides arms are going to fall off as they get attempt after attempt due to bad passing and an inexperienced setter. Going to be a long day made worse by the fact one of the teams we play - and should beat handily with a full lineup - is my club's national team. Sigh. I just hope the girls do not get too discouraged and play hard all day. At least we should come away with a group of players who have a lot more experience outside their comfort zones.

Remus West wrote:Awesome volleyball stuff

That's tough luck. How old are the kids? Boys/girls? Moat_Girl is 15 and plays club. I can't get enough of watching her. It's an unbelievable amount of fun. She has her first tournament of the season tomorrow and I am stoked.

Remus West wrote:The youth volleyball team I coach plays in a power league where the same group of teams plays over the course of 4 separate week ends. Each time we are seeded based on our results from the previous session. The first one - last time - we beat the tar out of everyone we played. Tomorrow we play against 4 other teams that had similar results. The difference between us and them is that my best player, who is my setter and by far the best one in the power league, has mono and is out; my best middle has a strained hip and is out, my best libero is my back up setter so she will be filling that role while my number 2 libero's mother just emailed that she has stomach flu and is at best 40/60 for tomorrow. All of which means I'll be putting the 6 remaining players on the floor for every point. We are going to get smoked if that happens. My remaining middles are not ready to play back row - they are making progress and given another couple months I'll be fine doing that but not right now. My outsides arms are going to fall off as they get attempt after attempt due to bad passing and an inexperienced setter. Going to be a long day made worse by the fact one of the teams we play - and should beat handily with a full lineup - is my club's national team. Sigh. I just hope the girls do not get too discouraged and play hard all day. At least we should come away with a group of players who have a lot more experience outside their comfort zones.

You never know who will step up. Might not win, but you'll learn a lot about your players.

Many people think that both my nostrils look the same.
But that is not true.
My left nostril is much uglier than my right.

hahahhahah!