Octopus Overlords

What if your daughter's friends aren't high school age yet?

You know grown people like to play with boffer weapons?

I wonder if you could make a boffer Atlatl.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlatl" target="_blank

I was watching a special on Mayan culture the other day and I was fascinated by the ancient spear thrower. History should be so glad I wasn't in charge of inventing stuff. 30,000 years ago (so they say) some guy figured out that if he could fake a longer arm then he'd throw a more powerful spear and that a wobbly spear would actually be more acurate than an unbendable spear. I think I could have had enough ingenuity to have invented the spear and then I'd be done and waiting for someone else to come up with the wheel and bitch that no one had invented bread yet.

How many animals sleep lying on their backs? I think I want to learn how to sleep sitting in a Lay-Z Boy. Of course I'd need to buy a Lay-Z boy first.

What are a blind person's (100% blind, as in eyes never worked even in the womb) dreams like?

I want a keepon. But I found out they cost $30,000

http://getrobo.typepad.com/getrobo/2008 ... now-o.html" target="_blank

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keepon" target="_blank

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_t ... EEPON&aq=f" target="_blank

Work wants me to document how my spend time every day. I wonder how I should log time spent on places like OO.

LordMortis wrote:Work wants me to document how my spend time every day. I wonder how I should log time spent on places like OO.

Networking
Professional Development
Continuing Education

When I worked for IBM we had to log our entire day in six minute increments.

It sounds like it would suck and it did but it was very easy to game the system.

For example, a typical trouble call from start to finish would be as follows:

1. Receive emailed trouble ticket from help desk.
2. Call end user and either resolve over phone or make appointment to visit their desk
3. Walk to their desk
4. Fix problem
5. Walk back to my desk
6. Resolve and close ticket

If it's a fairly common problem that routine might last fifteen minutes.

However, on the time sheet it looks like this:

1. EMail Session (Work Related) 6 Minutes
2. Phone Session (Work Related) 6 Minutes
3. Travel (To Client) 12 Minutes
4. Troubleshooting 12 Minutes
5. Travel (Return to office) 12 Minutes
6. Documentation 12 Minutes

Total time: 60 Minutes

I just bought myself 45 minutes of time spent hanging out on internet forums.

I keep an Excel spreadsheet of my MIL's accounting, just in case either of my BIL's ever challenge my management or want to see where her money goes. Every now and then, just to make things balance, I need to enter a few bucks under "G&C". Although that's easily described as just another of her many medical expenses, it really stands for "Graft & Corruption."

Shamelessly stolen from an episode of Life (which I'm sure in turn stole it from somewhere else).

Every major city, and many smaller towns as well, have huge populations of pigeons. Specifically, adult pigeons.

But, have you ever seen a baby pigeon? Where are all the baby pigeons?

The baby pigeons are apparently being raised on the 4th floor of the building where I work. Seriously... there's an infestation.

silverjon wrote:The baby pigeons are apparently being raised on the 4th floor of the building where I work. Seriously... there's an infestation.

My brother and I found and hatched a pigeon egg when we were young. One day it hatched and we kept the baby pigeon in a shoe box on the bookshelf. One day I came home from school and found it dead on the floor. My mom said it was an accident, but I think it was suicide. I hated my brother too.

How come if you leave soft food out to get stale, it becomes hard and if you leave hard food out to become stale it becomes soft?

I can whistle fine with fingers in my mouth. I can't whistle without Great shame upon me.

I could eat a whole jar of Nutella but I'm watching my weight so I won't... but I would.

I'm glad Kings of Leon are finally getting their due.

Now would someone please get them out of my head.

That or I'll have no choice but to go around and scream at random people that their sex is on fire.

It seems that modern vocalists either have to belt it out or sing with almost no emotion. Whatever happened to vocal arts like Chis Isaak's? For that matter, why is it you can't find artists like Paul Simon or Chis Isaak on those Internet Jukebox thingies when you go to the bar? Now I get that that the Beatles have some sort of ASCAAP stick up their ass or something and it's always been that way. And I understand that Tiger Army, the Amazing Royal Crowns, or Road Kings are on small labels so Mr Internet Music Man doesn't care about them even if "Outlaw Heart" is the perhaps coolest country song ever, The Crowns have songs on Guitar Hero, and Jesse Dayton is hailed as being a king of town that gave us SXSW and Austin City Limits. But I can get 12 Paul Simon or Chris Isaak CDs for a penny plus shipping an handling. How can they not be on juke box with something like tow hundred thousand songs? And if you Pearl Jam's 10 and you have Nirvana's Bleach how can you possibly not have Sound Garden's Louder than Love? Hey look at that, Temple of the Dog, Chris Cornell, Audioslave. Fine then, guess I'll throw on some Camper Van Beethooven. No CVB either and yet you have Cracker. Two hundred thousand fricken songs and the Nothing's Shocking album isn't there, much can I find Jane's version of "Sympathy". I suppose 200,000 might be a bit wide of the mark though and over estimate by the company. You figure at least a hundred of them have to be the same version of "Sweet Emotion" on one collection of Aerosmith songs or another. And they've got five different versions Nirvana's "Slither," although none of them seem to be the version I'm looking for.

In junior high, I came up with a theory that a person's cola of choice had a correlation to their political leanings. Where can I go to apply for a grant to expand my studies in this area?

LordMortis wrote:I'm glad Kings of Leon are finally getting their due.

But they're so boring.

Isgrimnur wrote:Where can I go to apply for a grant to expand my studies in this area?

Right here.

Bakhtosh wrote:Fortunately, spending 30 seconds around girls of that age is a great libido killer. I suppose there's a reason God made teenagers so annoying.

You have just perfectly encapsulated my seven years of teaching at an all-girls high school. Before this job, I would not have thought it possible to be so powerfully unattracted to so many beautiful young women.

Damn, that chick walking down the hall was HOT!

"All those curves, and me with no brakes..."

Heard down the hallway in a loud and annoyed tone:

MY PACKAGE NEVER CAME!

LordMortis wrote:Heard down the hallway in a loud and annoyed tone:

MY PACKAGE NEVER CAME!

I guess she should just be happy it arrived.

I have been informed that I type too loud.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

You ever have a nose hair that blows in and out and annoys the hell out of you.

I actually caught myself before doing something stupid. A staple didn't go correctly a manilla file folder (manilla my ass. VANILLLA FOLDER!) I have no staple remover. My first instinct was pry the staple with pointy tips sticking through the folder with my teeth. And right as I putting the misstapled folder to my mouth. I thought wait a minute. Halloween candy stories begin this way. And I stopped myself.

I think a celebration is in order.

"If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I would just yell out letters." - Demetri Martin

I never understood why dogs sniffed each others asses until I started doing it to other people.

Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it!

Random Link to a random Wikipedia article.

Also, Hanes Her Way boy cut has a comfortability score of 7/10 while Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs scored a 4/10.

I saw this product in a magazine today. Truth in advertising! Targeting their core market!

I had never even heard of appletini until scrubs.

Today, I have a rough decision to make. I don't take real vacations at work because the difficulty of my job exponentiates while I am away. Relatively easy problems quickly become big messy problems that need to be unwound over the course of me being only a few days away. In virtue of this I usually take long weekends and make them longer. So I'm alread taking Monday off to make my three day weekend in to a four day weekend. I am faced with the opportunity to take Tuesday off, even though I have a shitton of work and knowing that I will have way taken more days off coming into the April than I normally do, and I have no real plan at home. I'll just waste that extra day off and probably make Monday in to an expensive bar night, not having to work Tuesday and all...

And yet five days off. That about a real staycation for me.

1. Why is it that the same people I get stuck behind doing 30 in a 45 are the same ones who fly by me doing 75 in a 60?

2. You know what's just a terrible feeling? Being on the shitter (in the third floor men's room which is away from your coworkers and near the empty office in the hopes that you aren't going to be disturbed) and naturally somebody else comes into the men's room so you decide to be nice and do a courtesy flush only it doesn't work out quite the way you'd hoped and it doesn't completely flush and now you've suddenly got cold, shitty water touching the bottoms of your balls. And the water is still rising...

No one gets a coutesy flush from me in a public restroom - I've been splashed by too many over-energetic flushers. My courtesy is trying to find a non-public restroom or trying to hold it until I get home. If I can't, then you can either smell me or leave until later.

Pear schnaps tastes remarkably like pears. Mmm... Austrian booze.

Pap smears do what now?

Why do you get a head ache when your hemorrhoids hurt?

Kelric wrote:Pear schnaps tastes remarkably like pears. Mmm... Austrian booze.

Peppermint schnapps was my poison when I was an ice-fishing Michigander. I still remember peppermint-flavored vomit.

Ironrod wrote:

Kelric wrote:Pear schnaps tastes remarkably like pears. Mmm... Austrian booze.

Peppermint schnapps was my poison when I was an ice-fishing Michigander. I still remember peppermint-flavored vomit.

Or a "shot of mouthwash" to finish off the evening at the bar, before climbing behind the wheel and being a dumbass. Doctor McGillicuddy. (Though I still occasionally load up the hot chocolate thermos with a bit of the peppermint before spending an evening watching for meteors.)

dbt1949 wrote:Why do you get a head ache when your hemorrhoids hurt?

Probably blood pressure related.

Thanks for sharing. Please refrain from doing so in the future.