Octopus Overlords

Sometimes my nipples feels like there's water or something coming out of them, it's like they're all wet but when I touch it's completly dry. No idea what's happening to me.

There are 18 two-digit signed "Interstates" in the lower 48 states that do not actually cross a state border. Two of these do terminate at a national border.

85% of people in the United State have parasites. Mainly worms.

Ironrod wrote:Moths are the retards of the insect world.

Moths navigate by using the moon and adjusting their position relative to it in order to continue flying in a straight line. Artificial lights at night time confuse the hell out of them as they have not been around long enough, evolutionarily speaking, for the moths to figure out that they aren't the moon and adapt to their presence. Consequently they fly in circles around electric lights like retards.

I can't get the song Flowers On The Wall out of my head.

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

Gryndyl wrote:

Ironrod wrote:Moths are the retards of the insect world.

Moths navigate by using the moon and adjusting their position relative to it in order to continue flying in a straight line. Artificial lights at night time confuse the hell out of them as they have not been around long enough, evolutionarily speaking, for the moths to figure out that they aren't the moon and adapt to their presence. Consequently they fly in circles around electric lights like retards.

While I was smoking a cigar on the deck at night, outside of a lit room, the moths' kamikaze routes included a loop down my shirt. Twice. Some of these moths are as large as small birds (although not, thankfully, the two that molested me). Moths have no bite or sting. The worst they can do is creep you out. Yet their collision avoidance sucks.

Those newfangled corkscrew fluorescent bulbs don't fry invading moths like the old incandescents did, either. We need to reinvent the moth zapper now that waste heat isn't allowed.

Kelric wrote:I can't get the song Flowers On The Wall out of my head.

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

That's because it's an awesome song.

This morning I debated to switching to old man suspenders again. I really need to go shopping and see what's up with suspendered pants.

I am also beginning to understand why old people and Jean Caude Van Damn wear pants that go up to their nipples. As I start to gain wait again, I think that this time it must all be going to my ass or somthing. My pants are going all plumber or skaterkid. I'm must be becoming a saggy bottom boy, a man of constant pants pulling up, even with belt in tow. Yet the front of my pants aren't really sagging or getting lower but I am headed toward the back of my pants exposing crack. And I'm not to a teenaged girl wearing hip huggers and a thong.

Belts are slowly not becoming a solution any more and XLT shirts are slowly getting to where T is going to be enough. I think I may need a bigger package to act as a counter weight the front.

Things that suck about being small office IT.

You must be available during normal office hours. If you want to come in early or leave late that's on you as a salaried employee. You don't get to take advantage of any flexish time.

However, everyone wants you to do work around their lunch schedules, which means you never get to have a lunch, say, midway through the day. If you want to "take a lunch" meaning that you actually speand an hour not at a terminal somewhere in the office then you pretty much have to do it about an hour a half after you start your day, which will get you dirty looks from management or you do it about two hours before the day is done, which will get you dirty looks from management.

On the rare day you don't have appontments thrust at you from 10:30 until 15:00 straight, if you take lunch at your desk, you can rest assured the comment will be "Oh, am I bothering you at lunch?" And then they stand there. I guess that's some sort of courtesy statment that I don't understand, a polite way of saying: "I am important. You are not. Do my bidding now." I find the only people repsectful of my time are accounting. I guess they get shat on the way IT does or something.



Edit:

Have I mentioned how much I love this thread? We keep me contained here. It's comfy.

I just became one of them. One of those "OMG, why don't you just go an order more x so the next guy doesn't do the same thing" guys. I stole all of whiteboard markers in one conference room to take to the other conference room because my boss needed them NOW. I guess times are hard and having too many whiteboard markers in an excess we can just live without for right now.

I feel so dirty. I'm as bad as the guy who doesn't fill the coffee pot.

All your bases belong to.................

LordMortis wrote:Things that suck about being small office IT.

You must be available during normal office hours. If you want to come in early or leave late that's on you as a salaried employee. You don't get to take advantage of any flexish time.

However, everyone wants you to do work around their lunch schedules, which means you never get to have a lunch, say, midway through the day. If you want to "take a lunch" meaning that you actually speand an hour not at a terminal somewhere in the office then you pretty much have to do it about an hour a half after you start your day, which will get you dirty looks from management or you do it about two hours before the day is done, which will get you dirty looks from management.

On the rare day you don't have appontments thrust at you from 10:30 until 15:00 straight, if you take lunch at your desk, you can rest assured the comment will be "Oh, am I bothering you at lunch?" And then they stand there. I guess that's some sort of courtesy statment that I don't understand, a polite way of saying: "I am important. You are not. Do my bidding now." I find the only people repsectful of my time are accounting. I guess they get shat on the way IT does or something.



Edit:

Have I mentioned how much I love this thread? We keep me contained here. It's comfy.

Definitely better since our small company was swallowed by the massive company (well and the change in management). My days off are days off, I leave early if I need to. I very rarely get called at home. Vs before - with a park ranger actually sent to find me at the campsite one year! Or the constant lectures (well semi-annual) about how I needed to be available 24/7 because they couldn't contact me one time or another. Heck I half took my parental leave as a big, passive agressive F-you. (Off for 9 months HEY CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Oh wait I can't hear you ha!) No I'm not bitter about days gone by, not at all.

Listen you old hag, if you don't want you (or your grandson) to get wet, DON'T FREAKING SIT BESIDE THE SPLASH PAD.

You missed it Austin...I was yelling at someone, IRL. Then I left the area for a few minutes, and by the time I got back my wife was yelling at the same person, and she was going to be hit by the crazy old lady (the cops were called apparently, but by the time they got there the fracus was over).

If our kids is misbehaving and trying to splash you on purpose (or is in the lake throwing mud), we will discipline him, if however, they are just playing minding their own business, and you threaten them...and if you are trying as you claim to acclimate your grandson to the splash pad and he doesn't like getting wet, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Don't make him go to the splashpad sheesh. Our oldest son hated that place, so guess what we didn't force the issue now he loves it. Our little guy at the same age just naturally loves it.

I actually witnessed her crazy because I was making sure your 2yo was ok, as some people kept moving him out of the way of a different spray jet so their grandmother in the Indian(? full robe) didn't get wet. They were being nice enough, just sort of encouraging him to go to a different jet, but I still don't get it...it's a Splashpad. (And lest I think it's everyone but me, everyone else agreed with us/my wife). Probably as well I missed the confrontation between crazy cat lady and my wife...though it would've been interesting to see. Neither of us is know for drama

It's not fair that if you aren't in the medical profession and you want to wear scrubs in public that you are making some sort of ridiculous statement and will be mocked either openly or behind your back. Scrubs at the most comfortable pieces of clothing ever but the only time I can wear them is when I am just lounging around the house by myself. At that point I can just be naked.

When I worked at the science museum I wore a lab coat as a smock when I was receiving books in the cellar -- not from affectation, but because there were a lot of lab coats around and the museum laundered them for you. The route to the men's room took me through a public area where small children feared me as a scientist-god. We are what we wear.

I still think of you that way.

I hate my boss.

Get back to work you.

Why the hell is my Pandora Station for Cake playing "Love Me Do" by The Beatles?

Do you Love Me some Cake?

The cake is a lie.

The Meal wrote:Do you Love Me some Cake?

That might be a bit strong. They're up there, probably about Foo Fighters level, but there's some misses in their catalog. Good enough to buy, not good enough for a heavy rotation.

Isn't the only true anti-oxident the orient?

With fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

District 9.3....Hogeye

LordMortis wrote:

Remus West wrote:Anna Friel is very very sexy. I may have to go buy Pushing Daisies just to have an excuse to watch her more. The fact that I have heard good things about the show here just makes it that much more likely.

I am way hot on Anna Faris. Does that count? I even gave half a thought to seeing that hugely over hyped House Mom flick for a few minutes before figuring it'd be on Comedy Central in a few weeks after the theatre release anyway.

Anna Faris just got married. You'll have to fight Chris Pratt for her now.

Dogs are, in general, smarter than 2 year olds and can do math better than 5 year olds. There is an IQ test you can give them that involves physical tests & the time it takes them to solve them, after which they get a treat (usually getting the treat is part of the test).

My dogs have long since learned that all they have to do is stare at me long enough and I'll solve the tests for them, at which point they get their treat. THAT is the true measure of intelligence of the species.

Or maybe I just have the willpower of a jellyfish.

How do you not eat bread? You'd think it would be simple. See bread. Don't eat it. I'm just not sure how that process works. Today will be the day I try to cut back on bread. I fear it's going to get very, very expensive or it's going to end up in failure. The idea of getting a salad or some such thing every time we get pizza or fast food laden with bread just sounds like a lot of $$ for not much payoff.

I learned to mostly not eat fries maybe five or six years ago I can find a way to not eat bread, can't I?

I fear my body will adapt. I drink little pop any more. I eat few potato products any more. I put very little sugar in my coffee any more. My weight went down for a good long time after making those concessions but I see it creeping back up toward that 250 mark and I will not start buying 44 inch waisted pants and then adapting to them only to expand more. I won't. I won't. I won't. I've lost that battle every single time I gave in.

I can't imagine a life without bread. Bread is everything. It's the only carb that matters.

Get the damned expensive kind (baked over 24 hours I believe) and have it as a treat once in a while. Sliced, plenty of choices can be made that are healthier but all of them are sliced. Maybe replace your bread with whole wheat mini pitas instead. They go great with dips, cheese, paté, etc...

Hang in there!

tjg_marantz wrote:Get the damned expensive kind (baked over 24 hours I believe) and have it as a treat once in a while. Sliced, plenty of choices can be made that are healthier but all of them are sliced. Maybe replace your bread with whole wheat mini pitas instead. They go great with dips, cheese, paté, etc...

Hang in there!

I'm going to have to look into tortillas. They're often an acceptable substitute for bread. I just don't know how much they do me in versus bread. I'm eating salad with no ranch and no bread and chili with no bread as I type this. It breaks my heart.

Not sure whether the Zbrush gallery inspires me or demoralizes me (Note major 56K warning for the average zbc thread!)

By the power of grayskull
WTH
Black Suit Spidey

8:30 Marketing department meeting. WHY??!!?!

Why does the air conditioner always come on when it starts to rain?

My boss came in the other day and told me that he saw a bird and a squirrel fighting. Guess who won?

Day three of having salads for lunch. I spend $8 for salad from Busch' yesterday. That ain't happening again. So I'm making salads at home. If I'm taking time to do that, then I'm taking time to make pita sandwiches. Here's to hoping that wheat pita turkey and cheese isn't going to be big weight loss distraction.

I still have a ton of food in freezer that is going to stay as temptation. And bad temptation it's going to be. Fat man can not live off of salad and water and coffee alone. (and for now pita sandwiches)

Sectoid wrote:My boss came in the other day and told me that he saw a bird and a squirrel fighting. Guess who won?

Spoiler:

His Car

The bouncy metal tracking thing on a dock is called dock leveler. I guess that makes sense.

I'm really full and am regretting eating as much as I did. My stomach is aching and I think I need to have a bowel movement. Speaking of which I would love to have classical music piped into the restroom while I'm doing my thing.

The handle on your toilet is called the "spud." Really. I guess they must've used potatoes originally, or maybe Mr. Crapper was Irish.