Random randomness

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:20 am

I've come to the conclusion that most people don't like to drive.
If not why would most everybody have to do the speed limit or faster? So they can get off the road as soon as possible.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:12 pm

I give you the technical version of the Night Before Christmas:

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration,
and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric
apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an
eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of
repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections
moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our
nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony
of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the
purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting
thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent
crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting
my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance
drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed
our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have
been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled
breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her
respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost
exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot,
our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by
way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue
from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His
resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which
he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations
gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former
approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or
sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop
knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar
crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous
ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage
was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He
was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so
being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one
side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended
hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his
olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith
effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself
in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted
oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond
the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same
assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable
period between sunset and dawn."

This was forwarded from a Forest Service botanist that is retiring this year. For the nerd in all of you, readability stats for the technical v. original version:

Technical Version
Flesh-Kincaid Reading ease: 13.9
Average grade level: 19.4
Words per sentence: 32.3

Original Version
Flesh-Kincaid reading ease: 92.3
Average grade level: 4.6
Words per sentence: 13.7

Brian · Post by **Brian** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:34 pm

dbt1949 wrote:I've come to the conclusion that most people don't like to drive.
If not why would most everybody have to do the speed limit or faster? So they can get off the road as soon as possible.

Most drivers around here tend to do 5-10 UNDER the limit.

I hate them all.

Remus West · Post by **Remus West** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:46 pm

Brian wrote:
dbt1949 wrote:I've come to the conclusion that most people don't like to drive.
If not why would most everybody have to do the speed limit or faster? So they can get off the road as soon as possible.
Most drivers around here tend to do 5-10 UNDER the limit.

I hate them all.

I think you should install a cow catcher on the front of your car and simply push those people out of your way.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:55 pm

Enough wrote:Stuff

/stolen

pr0ner · Post by **pr0ner** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:05 pm

Way to go, Daniel Bryan. You, sir, are awesome.

YES! YES! YES!

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:41 pm

When I go to italicize anything in email or word rather than hitting CTRL-i I now start trying [ i ] . When will ubb (and browsers) recognize CTRL key combos for editing?

hentzau · Post by **hentzau** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:20 pm

Stupid church. If I didn't need a place to host Octocon every year, I'd tell my church to take their computers and shove them up their...rectory.

WPD · Post by **WPD** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:43 pm

A hypocondriac that has previously been diagnosed with an uncommon disease is the worst.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 10:45 am

The one fucking time of year I get to take a real break. 11 days off in a row. Nothing that needs to get done and all of the suppliers, all of the OEMs, and more than a few of my fellow employees are all dumping shit in my lap today and trying to insist there is a need to get it all done before the new year unconditionally.

Fuck you. Mayans be praised the world is ending tomorrow.

Remus West · Post by **Remus West** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 11:35 am

hentzau wrote:Stupid church. If I didn't need a place to host Octocon at least twice every year, I'd tell my church to take their computers and shove them up their...rectory.

FTFY

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:20 pm

I have no personality in my house at all but if I could get a print of this lady's leg, I'd hang it on my wall.

That is literally the coolest tattoo I've ever seen. I'm mesmerized.

Isgrimnur · Post by **Isgrimnur** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:21 pm

And I'm creeped right the fuck out.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:24 pm

I would have never guessed that Lord Mortis had forniphilia. We learn something new every day (including Isgrimnur who is about to...)

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:32 pm

Yes, we do. I learned what forniphilia was today. Of course, I will promptly have forgotten what it was before I go to sleep.

And while I'm not sure that I have what you say aside from thinking a print on my living room wall would be awesome, I do remember when I was 18 that we saw prosthetic legs at the Salvation Army and we almost bought them to make them in to tables.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:33 pm

LordMortis wrote:The one fucking time of year I get to take a real break. 11 days off in a row. Nothing that needs to get done and all of the suppliers, all of the OEMs, and more than a few of my fellow employees are all dumping shit in my lap today and trying to insist there is a need to get it all done before the new year unconditionally.

Fuck you. Mayans be praised the world is ending tomorrow.

I feel ya, just go two hefty items added to my todo list before Friday. Pheh.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:35 pm

I'm playing Civ5 and for the map I used the earth map. After awhile I realized I don't like playing on earth.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:03 pm

dbt1949 wrote:I'm playing Civ5 and for the map I used the earth map. After awhile I realized I don't like playing on earth.

Yeah, the earth map sucks for civilization games.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:58 pm

Guilty pleasure unlocked and purchased, the McRib is back in town!

Anonymous Bosch · Post by **Anonymous Bosch** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 7:18 pm

Enough wrote:Guilty pleasure unlocked and purchased, the McRib is back in town!

Indeed, who doesn't enjoy the taste of McYoga mats in the morning?

The entire McRib sandwich contains about 70 ingredients — including a flour-bleaching agent used in yoga mats.

As it appears out of the box, the McRib sandwich consists of just five basic components: a pork patty, barbecue sauce, pickle slices, onions, and a sesame bun.

But, as recently reported by Time magazine, a closer inspection of McDonald's own ingredient list reveals that the pork sandwich contains a total of 70 ingredients. This includes azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent often used in the production of foamed plastics.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 7:26 pm

Anonymous Bosch wrote:
Enough wrote:Guilty pleasure unlocked and purchased, the McRib is back in town!
Indeed, who doesn't enjoy the taste of McYoga mats in the morning?
The entire McRib sandwich contains about 70 ingredients — including a flour-bleaching agent used in yoga mats.

As it appears out of the box, the McRib sandwich consists of just five basic components: a pork patty, barbecue sauce, pickle slices, onions, and a sesame bun.

But, as recently reported by Time magazine, a closer inspection of McDonald's own ingredient list reveals that the pork sandwich contains a total of 70 ingredients. This includes azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent often used in the production of foamed plastics.

The worst part is I actually read this before ordering one.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 7:39 pm

The nuggets go through the same process, pretty sure. Very close if not identical.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:55 am

Hey Cheeba, how's apocalypse looking up north this morning?

Keep that shit up there and away from me if you please. (The bridge is looking pretty empty this morning)

http://www.mackinacbridge.org/bridge-cam-20/" target="_blank

WPD · Post by **WPD** » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:22 pm

What is up with distant LinkedIn connections endorsing my skills?

Post by **ImLawBoy** » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:25 pm

WPD wrote:What is up with distant LinkedIn connections endorsing my skills?

I had someone do that. Am I supposed to reciprocate? Send him a thank you? Continue to ignore my profile unless someone sends me a request for a link?

(Hint: I'm leaning toward the last of those.)

Octavious · Post by **Octavious** » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:34 pm

LOL I've been getting the same thing. I just ignore it.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:37 pm

I had someone endorse one of my skills because the acronym sounded funny (HAZWOPER) - at least that's what he told me.

msteelers · Post by **msteelers** » Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:17 pm

I just wanted a smoothie to ease the pain of driving through holiday traffic. But after fighting through the crowds to park, I'm beaten to the smoothie place by a gaggle of children. Now I'm in a loud nightmarish hell, but it took me 20 minutes to park and god damn it these winter wonder mint smoothies are good.

Jag · Post by **Jag** » Mon Dec 24, 2012 2:26 pm

Just heard Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me) on the radio and can't get it out of my head.

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Tue Dec 25, 2012 12:02 am

Fidget.

Fidget fidget.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 1:06 pm

How come when we don't buy much in the way of clothing we keep running out of hangers, even tho I keep buying more of them?

KKBlue · Post by **KKBlue** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 2:14 pm

dbt1949 wrote:How come when we don't buy much in the way of clothing we keep running out of hangers, even tho I keep buying more of them?

Some things get hung up that were folded in drawers. Seasonal clothing doesn't all get put back into bags or bins. Clothing that isn't worn anymore stays on hangers instead of being taken off and recycled. And I guess I should add in the possibility of your stepson who seems to always be a factor

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 4:14 pm

When you older people were kids what did you call Brazil nuts?

Brian · Post by **Brian** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:06 pm

Probably the same thing everybody else called them...

but I won't say it here.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:07 pm

dbt1949 wrote:When you older people were kids what did you call Brazil nuts?

I guess I'm not old enough because I've always called them Brazil nuts.

Wiki just told me the name you are looking for and holy shit, I'm glad I'm not that old. Luckily I can't remember a time when that word was used nonchalantly. Well, except for the schoolyard picking rhyme, eenie meenie mynie mo.

miltonite · Post by **miltonite** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:31 pm

I knew it and I am only 26 (still youngest here). That is mostly because my grandpa loved them and was also a bit racist so he didn't care for the PC terms.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:43 pm

I didn't learn the official name until I got my first job in a nut-processing plant, that was 1973 I think.

GreenGoo · Post by **GreenGoo** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:44 pm

miltonite wrote:I knew it and I am only 26 (still youngest here). That is mostly because my grandpa loved them and was also a bit racist so he didn't care for the PC terms.

PC terms like, for example, their actual names?

miltonite · Post by **miltonite** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 10:48 pm

GreenGoo wrote:
miltonite wrote:I knew it and I am only 26 (still youngest here). That is mostly because my grandpa loved them and was also a bit racist so he didn't care for the PC terms.
PC terms like, for example, their actual names?

Yes actually. Now thinking about it more he probably didn't know their real name, just the name he heard them called.

dbt1949 · Post by **dbt1949** » Wed Dec 26, 2012 11:41 pm

It seems odd now that the offending word was so common place when I was a kid. We didn't really think of it as offensive.(as kids)