The Former Trump Presidency Thread

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 2:57 pm

El Guapo wrote:Is Rip interviewing for the position?

I should, not like I could do any worse than my predecessors.

tgb · Post by **tgb** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:00 pm

I wonder if he'll get his wife back.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:01 pm

Or Trump himself.

But seriously, this level of incompetence should shock no one.

#failedpresident

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:11 pm

I see a little silhouetto of a douche
Scaramooch, Scaramooch, will you do the firing tango?
Interview all coked up, very, very fright'ning me
"Where's Scott Baio?!" (Where's Scott Baio) "Where's Scott Baio?!" (Where's Scott Baio) He's my bro!
I'm just a rich boy, Donald really loves me
(He's just a rich boy from a rich family)
Spare him his wife from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
"RyanLizza!" No, we will not let you know!
(Let me know!) Leakzilla! We will not let you know
(Let me know!) Leakzilla! We will not let you know
(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know
(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Steve Bannon's mouth has a date with his dick you'll see, it's free, for meeeeee!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.

Smoove_B · Post by **Smoove_B** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:14 pm

While I'm on vacation, Trump finds a new communications director...and the day after I return, dude is removed. I was gone for 5 days. Good to see nothing has changed in that time; We are absolutely living in a simulation.

Chaz · Post by **Chaz** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:17 pm

But remember, according to this morning's tweet, there's no chaos in the White House. This is normally how things work.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:17 pm

What's funny is that I was thinking today that we had gone a couple of days without any major Trump administration bombshells, and I was finding myself a little bored.

Kurth · Post by **Kurth** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:18 pm

Carpet_pissr wrote:I see a little silhouetto of a douche
Scaramooch, Scaramooch, will you do the firing tango?
Interview and twitter, very, very fright'ning me
"Where's Scott Baio?!" (Where's Scott Baio) "Where's Scott Baio?!" (Where's Scott Baio) He's my bro!
I'm just a rich boy, Donald really loves me
(He's just a rich boy from a rich family)
Spare him his wife from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
"RyanLizza!" No, we will not let you know!
(Let me know!) Leakzilla! We will not let you know
(Let me know!) Leakzilla! We will not let you know
(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know
(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.

This is the best thing I've read all day! Permission to re-post?

Holman · Post by **Holman** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:22 pm

Excellent!

But there's got to be a way to get Bannon's auto-fellatio into it.

Pyperkub · Post by **Pyperkub** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:24 pm

Carpet_pissr wrote:I see a little silhouetto of a douche...
...(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Putin has a video put aside for me, for me, for me!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.

Maybe this?

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:26 pm

Kurth wrote:
Carpet_pissr wrote:I see a little silhouetto of a douche
Scaramooch, Scaramooch, will you do the firing tango?
Interview and twitter, very, very fright'ning me
"Where's Scott Baio?!" (Where's Scott Baio) "Where's Scott Baio?!" (Where's Scott Baio) He's my bro!
I'm just a rich boy, Donald really loves me
(He's just a rich boy from a rich family)
Spare him his wife from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
"RyanLizza!" No, we will not let you know!
(Let me know!) Leakzilla! We will not let you know
(Let me know!) Leakzilla! We will not let you know
(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know
(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.
This is the best thing I've read all day! Permission to re-post?

Sure, but as you can see, it's already been improved via The Crowd.

You might want to wait for a few more people to chime in.

Edit: See?! Pyperkub already solved the puzzle. I actually was trying to fit Putin and Bannon and/or self-fellating in, but man that's tough given the source material. Changing the last line now.

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:32 pm

Pyperkub wrote:
Carpet_pissr wrote:I see a little silhouetto of a douche...
...(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Putin has a video put aside for me, for me, for me!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.
Maybe this?

Actually, man, that's not going to work. Trying to keep the meter (?) as close as possible to the original. Got a variation on that?
Something that rhymes with "Baeelzebub"?

Maybe:
"Steve BAN-non's mouth has a date with his dick for me, for free, you'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" ??

Original: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

malchior · Post by **malchior** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:33 pm

Putin's FSBs'?

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:37 pm

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:40 pm

Carpet_pissr wrote:
Pyperkub wrote:
Carpet_pissr wrote:I see a little silhouetto of a douche...
...(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Putin has a video put aside for me, for me, for me!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.
Maybe this?
Actually, man, that's not going to work. Trying to keep the meter (?) as close as possible to the original. Got a variation on that?
Something that rhymes with "Baeelzebub"?

Maybe:
"Steve BAN-non's mouth has a date with his dick for me, for free, you'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" ??

Original: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

How about

"Can you believe there's an extra charge for pee, for peee, for peeee!?"

gilraen · Post by **gilraen** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:41 pm

YellowKing wrote:What's funny is that I was thinking today that we had gone a couple of days without any major Trump administration bombshells, and I was finding myself a little bored.

It was such a quiet morning...and then I went out for lunch and came back to my Twitter feed exploding

Carpet_pissr · Post by **Carpet_pissr** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:46 pm

Unagi wrote:
Carpet_pissr wrote:
Pyperkub wrote:
Carpet_pissr wrote:I see a little silhouetto of a douche...
...(Blood will flow!) Will not let you know. (Let me know!) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh who's the leaker, who's the leaker?) Ryan Lizza, let me know!
Putin has a video put aside for me, for me, for me!

Got lazy on the last line, but the creative juices only go so far with this stuff.
Maybe this?
Actually, man, that's not going to work. Trying to keep the meter (?) as close as possible to the original. Got a variation on that?
Something that rhymes with "Baeelzebub"?

Maybe:
"Steve BAN-non's mouth has a date with his dick for me, for free, you'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" ??

Original: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!
How about

"Can you believe there's an extra charge for pee, for peee, for peeee!?"

Nice. Very nice!

Max Peck · Post by **Max Peck** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:47 pm

gilraen wrote:
YellowKing wrote:What's funny is that I was thinking today that we had gone a couple of days without any major Trump administration bombshells, and I was finding myself a little bored.
It was such a quiet morning...and then I went out for lunch and came back to my Twitter feed exploding

Tell me about it. The terminations of Spicer, Priebus and The Mooch were all announced while I was out on my daily hikes. Perhaps I have a duty to humanity to pull a Forrest Gump and just start walking until there's nobody left in the administration.

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:50 pm

Here's a gossipy unsourced thing that Robert Reich just posted on the facebook:

This morning I phoned my friend, a former Republican member of Congress.

Me: What's going on? Seems like the White House is imploding, and Republicans are going down with the ship.

Him (chuckling): We’re officially a banana republic.

Me: Seriously, what are you hearing from your former colleagues on the Hill?

Him: They’re convinced Trump is out of his gourd.

Me: So what are they going to do about it?

Him: Remember what I told you at the start of this circus? They planned to use Trump’s antics for cover, to get done what they most wanted – big tax cuts, rollbacks of regulations, especially financial. They’d work with Pence behind the scenes and forget the crazy uncle in the attic.

Me: Yeah.

Him: Well, I’m hearing a different story now. Stuff with Sessions is pissing them off. And now Trump's hired that horse’s ass Scaramucci -- a communications director who talks dirty on CNN! Plus Trump’s numbers are in freefall. They think he’s gonna hurt them in ’18 and ’20.

Me: So what’s the plan?

Him: They want him outa there.

Me: Really? Impeachment?

Him: Doubt it, unless Mueller comes up with a smoking gun.

Me: Or if he fires Mueller.

Him: Not gonna happen.

Me: So how do they get him out?

Him: Put someone else up in ’20. Lots of maneuvering already. Pence, obviously. Cruz thinks he has a shot.

Me: But that won’t help them in the midterms. What’s the plan before then?

Him: Lots think he’s fritzing out.

Me: Fritzing out?

Him: Going totally bananas. Paranoia. You want to know why he fired Priebus, wants Sessions out, and is now gunning for Tillerson?

Me: He wants to shake things up?

Him (chuckling): No. The way I hear it, he thinks they’ve been plotting against him.

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Twenty-fifth amendment! Read it! A Cabinet can get rid of a president who’s nuts. Trump thinks they’ve been preparing a palace coup. So one by one, he’s firing them.

Me: I find it hard to believe they’re plotting against him.

Him: Of course not! It’s ludicrous. Sessions is a loyal lapdog. Tillerson doesn't know where the bathroom is. That’s my point. Trump is fritzing out. Having manic delusions. He’s actually going nuts.

Me: And?

Him: Well, it’s downright dangerous.

Me: Yeah, but that still doesn’t tell me what Republicans are planning to do about it.

Him: Look. How long do you think it will be before everyone in Washington knows he’s flipping out? I don’t mean just weird. I mean really off his rocker.

Me: I don’t know.

Him: No all that long.

Me: So what are you telling me?

Him: They don’t have to plot against him. It will be obvious to everyone that he’s got to go. That’s where the twenty-fifth amendment really does comes in.

Me: So you think…

Him: Who knows? But he’s losing it fast. My betting is he’s out of office before the midterms. And Pence is president.

Would like to know who he was talking to. Reich is aggressively partisan, obviously, but he's generally honest.

Skinypupy · Post by **Skinypupy** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:53 pm

Me: Yeah, but that still doesn’t tell me what Republicans are planning to do about it.

Him: Look. How long do you think it will be before everyone in Washington knows he’s flipping out? I don’t mean just weird. I mean really off his rocker.

Me: I don’t know.

Him: No all that long.

Me: So what are you telling me?

Him: They don’t have to plot against him. It will be obvious to everyone that he’s got to go. That’s where the twenty-fifth amendment really does comes in.

I wish I shared their confidence that it somehow becomes "obvious" to the GOP that Trump has got to go.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:56 pm

Skinypupy wrote:

Me: Yeah, but that still doesn’t tell me what Republicans are planning to do about it.

Him: Look. How long do you think it will be before everyone in Washington knows he’s flipping out? I don’t mean just weird. I mean really off his rocker.

Me: I don’t know.

Him: No all that long.

Me: So what are you telling me?

Him: They don’t have to plot against him. It will be obvious to everyone that he’s got to go. That’s where the twenty-fifth amendment really does comes in.
I wish I shared their confidence that it somehow becomes "obvious" to the GOP that Trump has got to go.

I can see it becoming obvious to the GOP. Not so much so for his base, which appears to be at least 18% of the US and a larger percentage of people who could be bothered enough to vote.

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:59 pm

Scaramucci was never sworn in so I am going with "he was never communications director".

Just a candidate that was weeded out.

Hamlet3145 · Post by **Hamlet3145** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:01 pm

Kraken wrote:
Would like to know who he was talking to. Reich is aggressively partisan, obviously, but he's generally honest.

John Boehner maybe?

Max Peck · Post by **Max Peck** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:07 pm

Rip wrote:Scaramucci was never sworn in so I am going with "he was never communications director".

Just a candidate that was weeded out.

It's possible that The Mooch's real job was to provide a pretext to purge the Priebus (GOP establishment) camp, in which case Mission Accomplished. It'll be fun to see whether the Kushner/Bannon factions keep up the infighting, or whether Kelly really can whip everyone into line.

Unagi · Post by **Unagi** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:08 pm

Rip wrote:Scaramucci was never sworn in so I am going with "he was never communications director".

Just a candidate that was weeded out.

lols
they have you well trained. God forbid there is a stain on this administration.

Enough · Post by **Enough** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:14 pm

Does Trump think he's still staring in the Apprentice?

coopasonic · Post by **coopasonic** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:21 pm

I'd give the administration some credit for getting rid of the mooch as quickly as they did. Of course it is about 10% of the credit that they lose for bringing him in to begin with.

Captain Caveman · Post by **Captain Caveman** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:43 pm

It seems pretty obvious in retrospect that Mooch was brought in to force a confrontation with Priebus that would lead to his ousting. Once done, Mooch's usefulness had been exhausted, and Kelly certainly didn't want to have to deal with him.

Of course, that may be allowing for a grand strategy that never occurred. They may have just realized after introducing the Mooch to the world what a disaster he'd be and decided to rip the bandaid off as quickly as possible.

Ralph-Wiggum · Post by **Ralph-Wiggum** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 5:02 pm

Robert Reich's story hinges on the fact that Trump thinks his cabinet is going to 25th amendment him. I seriously doubt Trump that even knows that the Constitution has 25+ amendments...

Kraken · Post by **Kraken** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 5:40 pm

Hamlet3145 wrote:
Kraken wrote:
Would like to know who he was talking to. Reich is aggressively partisan, obviously, but he's generally honest.
John Boehner maybe?

Plausible...it does kind of sound like him (assuming Reich was quoting faithfully and not paraphrasing). I trust that Reich didn't make it up, but without knowing the source it's just gossip. Fun gossip.

Ralph-Wiggum wrote:Robert Reich's story hinges on the fact that Trump thinks his cabinet is going to 25th amendment him. I seriously doubt Trump that even knows that the Constitution has 25+ amendments...

He's paranoid enough that I can believe he knows about that one.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:16 pm

Rip wrote:Scaramucci was never sworn in so I am going with "he was never communications director".

Just a candidate that was weeded out.

Riiight. Amazing leadership at the top. This is Greatness.

Zarathud · Post by **Zarathud** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 8:02 pm

Swearing In -- THE defining difference between a Game Show and Government.

Paingod · Post by **Paingod** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:28 am

Unagi wrote:
Rip wrote:Scaramucci was never sworn in so I am going with "he was never communications director".

Just a candidate that was weeded out.
lols
they have you well trained. God forbid there is a stain on this administration.

We certainly wouldn't want a shitstain showing through a rugburn on top of a bloodstain.

gilraen · Post by **gilraen** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 10:38 am

Vicente Fox trolls Trump on Twitter

“Hey Trump, I'm watching this really bad reality TV show with low ratings called Survivor White House. I can't change the channel. Sad!”

noxiousdog · Post by **noxiousdog** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 10:41 am

gilraen wrote:Vicente Fox trolls Trump on Twitter
“Hey Trump, I'm watching this really bad reality TV show with low ratings called Survivor White House. I can't change the channel. Sad!”

While the rest of it is accurate, the ratings are pretty good.

LawBeefaroni · Post by **LawBeefaroni** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 10:43 am

noxiousdog wrote:
gilraen wrote:Vicente Fox trolls Trump on Twitter
“Hey Trump, I'm watching this really bad reality TV show with low ratings called Survivor White House. I can't change the channel. Sad!”
While the rest of it is accurate, the ratings are pretty good.

Maybe he's referring to approval ratings.

milo · Post by **milo** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 1:43 pm

Oh, the ratings are just really unbelievable.

YellowKing · Post by **YellowKing** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 2:59 pm

I really hope there is a special reserved seat in hell for Sarah Huckabee.

geezer · Post by **geezer** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:02 pm

YellowKing wrote:I really hope there is a special reserved seat in hell for Sarah Huckabee.

I dunno. She's just sort of pathetic. Totally self-rightous, arrogant and shameless, but I find it hard to do much except shake my head and roll my eyes at her. I mean, practically the whole country knows she's lying every time she opens her mouth. That's embarrassing enough.

LordMortis · Post by **LordMortis** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:05 pm

YellowKing wrote:I really hope there is a special reserved seat in hell for Sarah Huckabee.

Next to Mike?

Oh and lying Associated Press release

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wir ... h-48967314

An investigator who worked on the Seth Rich case claims Fox News fabricated quotes implicating the murdered Democratic National Committee staffer in the WikiLeaks scandal and coordinated with the Trump administration as it worked on the story.

The investigator, Rod Wheeler, sued Fox for defamation. His lawsuit, filed Tuesday in New York, lays out an explosive tale of Trump allies conspiring to push a false story to take the pressure of the Russian collusion investigation off the president, and a news organization willing to show the president its story before it was published.