Octopus Overlords

Basically was told that I and another feller were executors of my friend's estate. Said friend never discussed said will with me or feller. This week, she called me, and sounded so bad that I told her to go to the hospital. I was listed as the emergency contact, as she has no contact with her blood relatives. As a fact, she told me that her family was to get absolutely nothing.
So, I get a call from a major hospital, as I was the emergency contact. Today, I get a call from the chaplain. After waiting for promised phone calls from the doctors, I called the nurse's station and found out that things are deteriorating. So, it looks like I will need to take a six hour flight to get to the hospital.

Oh, yeah, my friend lives in Texas, and never wanted to discuss her will, so I don't know if I have power of attorney. She didn't have many friends, and chose me as an emergency contact.
I literally don't know what my responsibilities are, because she never wanted to discuss this.

So, I need to call the nurses station around 10am tomorrow to find out if she's getting better or I get a flight tomorrow to San Antonio. It sounds dire.

So, I'm having to plan for the worst, while hoping for the best. So, here's my game plan.

After visiting friend in hospital (or picking up personal effects ), spending time with the caseworker to get what advice I can, and getting documentation that I was the emergency contact.

Drive to the police department to inform the police that I have a reason to be in her house. Maybe have an officer in the house while I try and find a lawyer's information or a copy of the will.

Look for a living will, or a document that gives me medical power of attorney, if that exists.

If she has passed, contact the lawyer, for further instructions.

Notify the bank, cancel credit cards?

Any advice? I know I'm vague, but this is what I know at this moment.

So..
The normal IANAL.
1. Who told you this? Hiw do they know?

2. Since IANAL I don't know, but having 2 executors sounds odd.. what if they don't agree?

Depending on 1 I may have more questions.

I can only say (having recently been named an executor) that I was supplied with all kinds of paperwork - copies of things that are on file with an attorney. When the time comes, I have been made to understand what I'm responsible for, but I don't know how someone would do that if (1) they weren't told ahead of time and/or (2) they weren't contacted by an attorney with additional information.

As an emergency contact it sounds like you'll be able to visit your friend in the hospital, but without legal paperwork demonstrating your status as an executor or someone with legal powers, I'm not sure what else you'd be able to do while down there. Doing anything (like accessing accounts, a bank, utilities, etc...) without the required paperwork is going to be impossible.

I also agree that having two executors is odd. Well, you can have more than one listed, but they only go down the list if the first person is unable to fulfill their duties. I cannot imagine a scenario where you'd be co-executor with someone; that feels like a recipe for trouble.

Sorry, that's not very helpful and that you're dealing with all this. Sounds awful.

If it was an attorney who notified you I would start with a visit to them.

My sister asked my permission before listing me as an executor. I didn’t find out until several years after my brother had been doing the job for my aunt that I was second on her list. She suffered a massive stroke that basically took 15 years to finally kill her. So he served as her executor for about 17 years.

Smoove_B wrote: Thu Jan 02, 2025 11:54 pm I can only say (having recently been named an executor) that I was supplied with all kinds of paperwork - copies of things that are on file with an attorney. When the time comes, I have been made to understand what I'm responsible for, but I don't know how someone would do that if (1) they weren't told ahead of time and/or (2) they weren't contacted by an attorney with additional information.

As an emergency contact it sounds like you'll be able to visit your friend in the hospital, but without legal paperwork demonstrating your status as an executor or someone with legal powers, I'm not sure what else you'd be able to do while down there. Doing anything (like accessing accounts, a bank, utilities, etc...) without the required paperwork is going to be impossible.

+1. I was executor of my mom’s estate when she passed a couple years ago.

There will be paperwork somewhere confirming if you are actually an executor. Then you’ll likely have to get even more paperwork, like Letters of Testementary. If you don’t have that (and often even when you do), there won’t be a thing you can do regarding property, accounts, etc. Over two years later and I’m still fighting with a couple of mom’s accounts because they require different confirmation papers than what I was given.

Sorry, that's not very helpful and that you're dealing with all this. Sounds awful.

This too.

I don't have any advice but I offer a couple of stories.

When my mom died, my sister and I had access to all of her assets and split them 50/50, as our parents always said we should. ("If you kids get to fighting, lawyers and the government will take everything.") Her will stipulated that I should receive $35,000 more than my sister because of a "loan" they'd made to her. But my sister was poor and had kids and I was financially comfortable and child-free, so when a lawyer called to make sure I got what I had coming I waived it away, and that was the end of that. We'd already divided the spoils to my satisfaction and I just had to sign a paper saying so.

When my sister died, her estate was worth $700. As the executor, I sat at a desk at a Chase Bank branch with a bunch of documentation that should have made them give me her $700 (which I was just going to split amongst her kids), but her home-made will had not received the state's official golden seal to make me the legal guy so the bank kept the money. It would've cost me a couple hundred bucks to get certified. So I sent her kids the relevant documentation and instructions and said it's in you court, but nobody took point to get $700 split three ways. So Chase got to keep it. I suppose it will revert to the state eventually. Whatever.

Unless either Wife or I has the bad fortune of living past their expiration date, we're going to leave those kids a substantial estate. We've made a proper will with lawyers and notaries and shit and made them beneficiaries on all of our substantial accounts. I've told them we want them to divide everything equally among themselves and whatever adjustments they want to make after that is up to them (one kid is rich and one is poor, but I'm not going to compensate for that from beyond the grave). I'm sure they'll have to bring in lawyers anyway, because America. We also picked the wrong kid to execute it, which I really ought to fix but probably won't because it won't be my problem anymore.

I do this for a living as a lawyer but not in Texas. Check your PM.

The other feller and I are best buds, so, no issues there. I figure my main job will be to throw out the spoiled milk, look for paperwork and stuff. All her assets are going to the university that she taught at, so there isn't that much complication, relatively speaking.

The other task that l *can* do, is charge up her phone and wait for someone to call. I can at least start with that. Another issue is that her home is about an hour away from where she is being treated. So a lot of rental car miles in the near future.

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 7:02 am I do this for a living as a lawyer but not in Texas. Check your PM.

I'm surprised your disclaimer fit within the character limit.

Isgrimnur wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 11:11 am

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 7:02 am I do this for a living as a lawyer but not in Texas. Check your PM.

I'm surprised your disclaimer fit within the character limit.

it's a GIF

Having just had a trust created in Texas you’d think I’d have an idea what to tell you, but your friend didn’t do any of the stuff our team asked us to do.

#1 - tell people what’s up!

That reminds me, we need to talk to a couple people.

We also still need to add most of our assets to the trust. That takes effort though.

I hate effort. Still, the alternative is bad.

The effort saves your family headaches, time and money in the future.

Not funding the trust is like paying for a car but not putting gas in it. When you have to get going, hopefully you can get to the gas station to fill up. It’s also worth paying to check in, much like a tune up.

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 1:22 pm The effort saves your family headaches, time and money in the future.

Not funding the trust is like paying for a car but not putting gas in it. When you have to get going, hopefully you can get to the gas station to fill up. It’s also worth paying to check in, much like a tune up.

Damn estate attorneys sticking together. I guess the more I pay the attorneys the less I have to worry about moving assets to the trust!

I'm also going to have to organize a funeral too. I do have hope that she was as organized as she appeared to be.

I was executor for my wife. I felt it stupid. it was all left to me I didn't understand why ti needed one. in the end I got my lawyer..the same one who drew up the wills...to skip it all and simply file something for it all.

coopasonic wrote:

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 1:22 pm The effort saves your family headaches, time and money in the future.

Not funding the trust is like paying for a car but not putting gas in it. When you have to get going, hopefully you can get to the gas station to fill up. It’s also worth paying to check in, much like a tune up.

Damn estate attorneys sticking together. I guess the more I pay the attorneys the less I have to worry about moving assets to the trust!

I tell my clients the optimal result is to get it into the trust then live long and spend it down so you die poor, rather than die rich. But everything is ready in case you don’t achieve that goal.

coopasonic wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 3:04 pm

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 1:22 pm The effort saves your family headaches, time and money in the future.

Not funding the trust is like paying for a car but not putting gas in it. When you have to get going, hopefully you can get to the gas station to fill up. It’s also worth paying to check in, much like a tune up.

Damn estate attorneys sticking together. I guess the more I pay the attorneys the less I have to worry about moving assets to the trust!

Once it is set up there can be little reason to pay an attorney. Attorneys are probably used more often to defend against some relative who isn’t happy.

Scuzz wrote: Sat Jan 04, 2025 1:04 am

coopasonic wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 3:04 pm

Zarathud wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2025 1:22 pm The effort saves your family headaches, time and money in the future.

Not funding the trust is like paying for a car but not putting gas in it. When you have to get going, hopefully you can get to the gas station to fill up. It’s also worth paying to check in, much like a tune up.

Damn estate attorneys sticking together. I guess the more I pay the attorneys the less I have to worry about moving assets to the trust!

Once it is set up there can be little reason to pay an attorney. Attorneys are probably used more often to defend against some relative who isn’t happy.

In my very limited experience that's true. If there's no conflict and somebody can access the assets, you just need a legal blessing for what you did. If y'all can trust your heirs not to abuse their opening, add them as signers on your major accounts. Then your death will be super easy, barely an inconvenience. Your death certificate erases you from the equation.

Add them as account beneficiaries who will upon your death as a “pay on death” account. If they can sign when you’re alive, they can steal your money. Or their creditors can attack the account.

A trust means the person on the account must follow the trust rules or be sued. Usually that’s to use the money only as directed for you then your family.

A good lawyer will tell you the consequences and risks of your decisions. That’s inexpensive, if you’re willing to follow their advice and do the rest.

This might not have a bearing on the current discussion, but I'll throw it in for those who might want to keep it in mind.

When my father reached his early nineties he realized he might not be able to make good decisions in the future. Therefore he made my wife, his daughter-in-law, a trustee for his estate. He had his lawyer draw up the paperwork giving her full power of attorney for everything. As he got older and, well, more out of it, my wife simply took over all the management of his home, financials and investments. When he passed, there was no need for an executor to take over, as my wife was already in control of his estate. She made the decisions on who got what, although she did it very diplomatically. My father did have a will specifying a few things that he wanted to go to certain people, but mostly my wife did the distribution.

I guess my advice from all this is that if there is a relative advancing in years, get the paperwork and responsibilities established well before they pass. It worked out pretty well for us.

jztemple2 wrote: Sun Jan 05, 2025 1:51 am I guess my advice from all this is that if there is a relative advancing in years, get the paperwork and responsibilities established well before they pass. It worked out pretty well for us.

I think we have everything sorted out except for putting our house in a trust. Really ought to do that soon. It takes 5 years to protect your house, and our house is a third of our net worth. Whichever of us has the misfortune of outliving the other will almost inevitably die in a nursing home, and the gubmit won't pay for that until you've spent everything you have.

You can get reimbursed from the estate for all your expenses and I think you can even pay yourself a "reasonable" rate for your time as well.

Kraken wrote: Sun Jan 05, 2025 2:25 am

jztemple2 wrote: Sun Jan 05, 2025 1:51 am I guess my advice from all this is that if there is a relative advancing in years, get the paperwork and responsibilities established well before they pass. It worked out pretty well for us.

I think we have everything sorted out except for putting our house in a trust. Really ought to do that soon. It takes 5 years to protect your house, and our house is a third of our net worth. Whichever of us has the misfortune of outliving the other will almost inevitably die in a nursing home, and the gubmit won't pay for that until you've spent everything you have.

Except for your house, unless things have changed in the last 10 years. My aunt spent down everything she had except for her house and she qualified for the government paying for her last year or two. I think she past in 2015. Her house sold after her death for almost $2m, she lived in the SF Bay Area.

Montag wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 6:58 pm You can get reimbursed from the estate for all your expenses and I think you can even pay yourself a "reasonable" rate for your time as well.

This is allowed but if someone wants to challenge your reimbursement and pay you had better have proof. Just saying.

Scuzz wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 8:02 pm

Montag wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 6:58 pm You can get reimbursed from the estate for all your expenses and I think you can even pay yourself a "reasonable" rate for your time as well.

This is allowed but if someone wants to challenge your reimbursement and pay you had better have proof. Just saying.

When we handled my first BIL's estate we claimed $50/hr for our trouble, because second BIL did fuck-all to help. Our attorney said $35 was the allowable amount in MI at the time. It was only between 0.5 and 3 hours per month, but over a year-and-a-half it added up. (Disposing of his house from 1,000 miles away during a pandemic was a slow-motion project.)

Come to find out that my buddy and I are the only executors, and we *seem* to have concrete, god-like powers as far as acting on behalf of the estate. Good thing we are honest. I'm not going to keep track of time spent, not much anyway. I have no doubt that the house will sell pretty quickly, and a lot of the bed clothes can go to the local women's shelter. Tracking down the financial accounts and shutting down the social media looks to bring the most pain. Also, having one beneficiary makes that part easier.
I just ask that you tell your executor *where* the will is. Don't force them to scratch through all the drawers and closets to find the darned thing. Put it a safe deposite box and give them access to it.

Sheesh. I've seen more granny panties than Hepcat.

…how many helcats have you seen? Is there a hepcat in the room with us now?

Kraken wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 10:33 pm

Scuzz wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 8:02 pm

Montag wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 6:58 pm You can get reimbursed from the estate for all your expenses and I think you can even pay yourself a "reasonable" rate for your time as well.

This is allowed but if someone wants to challenge your reimbursement and pay you had better have proof. Just saying.

When we handled my first BIL's estate we claimed $50/hr for our trouble, because second BIL did fuck-all to help. Our attorney said $35 was the allowable amount in MI at the time. It was only between 0.5 and 3 hours per month, but over a year-and-a-half it added up. (Disposing of his house from 1,000 miles away during a pandemic was a slow-motion project.)

My brother took care of our aunts estate and well being (after a massive stroke she lived in a convalescent home for over 10 years). This included really doing everything, including many trips to SF.

When my aunt died I had a cousin contest the expenses and pay my brother requested. He had to back up what he listed and was forced to eliminate about 10%. As I said above, if things get nasty things get complicated.

So, I've been down here for about a week and a half. So far, I have the credit cards locked down, all the banks located, social security, her teacher's pension notified. I've located her tax accountant, a financial advisor, and have a realtor, and will have an estate salesman, lined up as soon as the death certificates come in. Which in Texas takes from 10 to 18 days. So I'm not going to get back home the rest of this month, I'm going to be out of ADHD meds anytime now, and Texas will not accept a prescription phoned in across the border for a controlled substance. I guess we're just supposed to drink bourbon while we're down here? Or whiskey? And we could bust up the saloon I guess.

Once we get the death certificates and go to probate Court, I think I'll have this set up well enough down here that I can fly out and go home. On the other hand, by the time that stuff is all done, it's pretty much time for the funeral. So I'm good to be in Texas long enough to get either an accent or a girlfriend...

I'm hoping for the accent.

And the co-executor and I are debating how to sell her Audi Q3. I'm all for selling it to an online dealer and getting it out of my hair. He wants to go private party.

Default wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2025 11:25 pm Come to find out that my buddy and I are the only executors, and we *seem* to have concrete, god-like powers as far as acting on behalf of the estate. Good thing we are honest. I'm not going to keep track of time spent, not much anyway. I have no doubt that the house will sell pretty quickly, and a lot of the bed clothes can go to the local women's shelter. Tracking down the financial accounts and shutting down the social media looks to bring the most pain. Also, having one beneficiary makes that part easier.
I just ask that you tell your executor *where* the will is. Don't force them to scratch through all the drawers and closets to find the darned thing. Put it a safe deposite box and give them access to it.

Sheesh. I've seen more granny panties than Hepcat.

I took some to think this is over before responding. And I’ve come to the conclusion you’re probably wrong about that.

Default wrote: Thu Jan 16, 2025 10:03 pm So, I've been down here for about a week and a half. So far, I have the credit cards locked down, all the banks located, social security, her teacher's pension notified. I've located her tax accountant, a financial advisor, and have a realtor, and will have an estate salesman, lined up as soon as the death certificates come in. Which in Texas takes from 10 to 18 days. So I'm not going to get back home the rest of this month, I'm going to be out of ADHD meds anytime now, and Texas will not accept a prescription phoned in across the border for a controlled substance. I guess we're just supposed to drink bourbon while we're down here? Or whiskey? And we could bust up the saloon I guess.

Once we get the death certificates and go to probate Court, I think I'll have this set up well enough down here that I can fly out and go home. On the other hand, by the time that stuff is all done, it's pretty much time for the funeral. So I'm good to be in Texas long enough to get either an accent or a girlfriend...

I'm hoping for the accent.

Are you close enough to the border to go to a CVS or something "next door",

Just watch out if you get an accent girlfriend. More dangerous than arm candy.

At the end of the day, you just want the car sold.

Default wrote: Thu Jan 16, 2025 10:06 pm And the co-executor and I are debating how to sell her Audi Q3. I'm all for selling it to an online dealer and getting it out of my hair. He wants to go private party.

I sold my Audi Q7 through a connection made using Kelley Blue Book's Sell Your Car service...put in the details of your car and they put you in contact with several local dealers that will buy your car for a guaranteed minimum price. I submitted my info and had three dealers called me within 15 minutes. I took my car to the closet one in person and they agreed to give me $500 more than KBB promised...told them I was hoping for a little more and would be in touch. Another dealer asked me to send them photos, then offered me $1500 more than the KBB quote. I accepted the offer (which is pretty much what I wanted), filled out all of the paperwork through email, and scheduled a time for them to pick the car up at my house. A lady from the dealer showed up at the agreed time in an Uber, we signed a bill of sale and the title, she handed me a check for $17,500 and drove off in my car. I don't think I spent much more than 30 minutes on the whole transaction...couldn't have been easier or a much better deal.

Before the KBB offers, I did look at Carvana, Carmax and a few other online companies, but none of them offered as much as KBB. I considered a private sale, but my previous experiences with trying to sell a camper online convinced me that all the haggling and lowball offers from people who just expect the deal of the century at your expense don't make it worth the hassle. Go through a reputable company and enjoy the simplicity.

This.

A lot of my friends are worried about me. They say what I'm doing is just a tremendous load on my shoulders.

Maybe that's true, but I really don't find that much stress from actually doing the nuts and bolts of being an executor. What really makes it difficult is not only my friend's death, but going through all the personal effects, and photos and finding her son's coroner's report. I had completely read through some handwritten papers before I got to the end and saw her son's signature. It was his suicide note.
It's like I'm dealing with two deaths at the same time.

Apparently, I kick ass at this. The only person I need to contact is the car/homeowners insurance. Not having a tv and cutting yourself off from social media helps. Being completely out of my adhd meds helps a lot too. The realtor (that I have a handshake agreement with) has already shown the house to someone. I have a handshake with an estate sales manager, and I have to just take an oath in front of a judge and get my letter of superpowers. Then it's about two days of visiting the local bank, mailing physical copies, and emailing the rest., and selling the car.

With any kind of good luck, I might be out of here in a month or so.